GROSS SPREAD

"Apples?" Anshuman put took out a plastic box and placed it in front of Gulshan.

"No thanks", Gulshan said, slowly chewing on his roti-sabzi, "I take fruits only after the main course. And besides, I'm not very fond of apples." He didn't particularly like having lunch with Anshuman, but with limited seats in the office pantry and every team being assigned fixed lunch time-slots, he didn't have much of a choice.

"I wish Lata could join us too", Anshuman lamented, "Ever since news of the virus broke out, she's stopped having lunch with us."

"Actually, it's because of the lecture you gave her last week about Covid-19 being God's punishment to all those who had non-vegetarian food...", Gulshan clarified, "...despite knowing she was a non-vegetarian."

"I was just telling her the truth! Why can't she accept the truth?"

"It's bullshit. I'm a vegetarian myself, but I know this is bullshit."

"Don't get me started now...if you guys can't accept the truth, at least take it with a pinch of salt."

"Right", Gulshan replied with a smirk on his face, "Strawberries?"

"Eek, no way!" Anshuman froze.

"What's the matter?" Gulshan raised an eyebrow, still chewing on his food.

"Nothing...nothing at all!" he brushed aside the topic, "I follow a well-known Guru, who is an expert in Ayurveda. He clearly mentioned in a speaking session a couple of days ago that coronavirus first affected the Chinese because they are hardcore meat-eaters."

"As I said before, BULLSHIT!"

"You progressive intellectuals only want to believe studies by firangs, right? For your information, even the World Health Organisation has confirmed this fact."

"Bah! Typical University of Whatsapp crap. Anyway, what else did your learned Guruji teach you about the virus? I'm sure he must've suggested some remedies to deal with the virus."

Anshuman never really couldn't handle Gulshan at his sarcastic worst. "Guruji said that chewing on Ginger can help keep you safe, since it has antibacterial properties." While saying so, he pulled out a small box with scraped ginger and kept it in front of Gulshan.

Gulshan picked up a few slivers and dunked them in his mouth, "I agree that ginger might have some medicinal properties. But alas my friend, bacteria and viruses are two different things."

Anshuman got all the more nervous. "Garlic...garlic has anti-viral properties. Chewing on garlic can help against coronavirus." He pulled out another box with peeled garlic cloves.

Gulshan confidently picked up a clove and put it in his mouth. "Garlic is also good for health. It has been used since ancient times for medicinal purposes. But you might not know the fact that China is the world's largest producer of garlic. If garlic really could cure Covid-19, China wouldn't have lost so many people. C'mon now, your Guru needs to do much better than this."

Anshuman felt a lump rise in his throat, "Guruji also mentioned Aqua Omnium Florium", he pulled out a bottle and plonked it on the table, "One glass a day can help you build immunity in a week."

Gulshan picked up the bottle and twisted the cap, "Aqua Omnium Florium? Finally something that sounds like a remedy worth trying." Gulshan chuckled. "Glad to know your Guruji has not lost all faith in the wonders of modern medicine."

Gulshan took a swig, and immediately his face contorted into an unbearable scowl. He put his tongue out and began coughing like as if he was being strangulated.

"That's fowl!!! What on earth is this???"

"Aqua Omnium Florium" Anshuman repeated, "Also known as Gaumutra."

Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 - Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 - Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread

Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light