AAH-CHOO STORY

His tea had long gone cold. All he needed to do was walk a few metres to the pantry to use the microwave, but Anshuman was determined not to leave the comfort of his seat. He had a plan to set in motion after all.

He turned to his colleague, “Yaar Gullu…what are the odds of being allowed to go home early today?”

“How early?”, asked Gulshan, his eyes still fixed on his monitor screen and fingers punching the keyboard with a sense of purpose.

“Maybe 11:30-ish?”

Gulshan’s gaze didn’t swerve a bit. “Bhai, it’s only 9:30, and we’ve stepped into office only a few minutes ago…you haven’t even started your computer. What’s your excuse going to be this time?”

“Excuse? Aww c’mon dude!”, Anshuman objected.

“Reason…reason is the word”, Gulshan sniggered. “Sorry, I grew up in a small town.”

“Look at me man! I have a headache…and my nose is running. I think I have a bad cold!”

“I don’t need to remind you that the entire world is going through a lockdown to fight a dangerous pandemic. We’re running an essential service, my friend. We don’t work for any small-time bank, we work for one of the largest banks in India!”, Gulshan's tone made his irritation apparent, “A simple cold isn’t a good enough reason for anyone to give two fucks about your condition!”

Anshuman was taken aback; it was not so much about Gulshan’s sudden outburst as it was about his colourful big-town vocabulary.

“Is that so? Watch me!”, he said as he hopped towards the Boss’ cabin.

Gulshan didn’t react. He kept punching his keyboard.

As was customary, Anshuman knocked twice on the door before entering the cabin.

Lata’s instincts were good enough to make her toss her smartphone aside, but her fingers were not quick enough to lock the screen. Anshuman didn’t care to take a glance though; he had already been stalking her anonymously on Tinder and Instagram anyway.

“Yes Anshuman”, she asked, struggling to hide her surprise.

“Good Morning Boss”

“Good morning. What…erm…what is it?”

“Can I take the day off today? I am not feeling too good.”

‘About the job? Tell me about it’ she thought to herself. “What happened? Is it diarrhoea again?”, she laughed, her chest swelling with pride at her seemingly witty remark.

“Erm…no. I think I have the flu.”

“Don’t be ridiculous”, she almost fell off her chair. “We’re running an essential…”

“AAH-CHOO!!!”

Anshuman’s sneeze echoed in the general emptiness of the cabin, even though he had covered his mouth with his kerchief. From the corner of his eye, he saw Lata’s jaw drop halfway down to the floor.

But he wasn’t finished yet. He took a look at his kerchief before holding it out towards her.

“Look Boss!”, he shouted excitedly.

Needless to say, what Lata’s eyes beheld was the ghastliest sight ever.

“WHAT THE FUCK ANSHUMAN! YOU’RE GROSSE! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!”

“Does that mean I can go home?”, Anshuman asked, still precariously balancing the slimy blob in his kerchief.

“GOOO AWWWAYY!” Lata covered her own mouth.

“Oh wait! There are droplets on your desk. Allow me to…”, he folded his kerchief and moved closer to the desk, ready to give it a wipe.

“EEEEEK! DON’T DO IT! YOU’RE FUCKING INSANE! GOOOO HOOOOMMME!!!”

“Okay Boss! Relax! I’m going…I’m going!”

He swung open the door and walked towards his seat.

He then rolled up his sleeves, picked up his backpack and bade a wide-mouthed Gulshan goodbye.

As he walked down the staircase of the building, he patted his left trouser pocket. Looking skyward, he said, “Thank you Grandma…thank you for leaving behind a treasure-trove of snuff bottles.”

And then he patted the right pocket. “And thank you, China. Thank you for the virus…and for making flubber.”