BUS-TED

Anshuman was still beaming with pride at his stroke of genius. He smiled at everyone who walked past him at the bus stop, a few metres from his workplace. To his mind it was a triumphant smile, although they probably thought it was creepy. Not that he cared anyway.

The bus arrived a good 15 minutes later. As he hopped on, he realised that it was more crowded than usual. In his mind, he was certain that there would be no seat for the taking.

To his surprise, however, there was this one seat that had miraculously escaped everyone’s notice. It was only after he had jostled his way towards the seat and hurriedly plonked his derriere that he realised why.

“Erm…Sir”, his voice was as shaky as a stoner on a hangover, “Is there a reason why….”

“…why I’m wearing a mask?”, the white-haired man retorted. He was probably in his late fifties.

“Y…yes.”

“What do you think?”

“If this was six months ago, I’d probably think you only had TB.”

“So, what do you think it might be now?”, he asked in a gentle yet teasing tone.

“Corona…?”

“HAHAHA…I love how you think my friend!”, he laughed his guts out.

“Didn’t mean to offend you Sir…just figured that was probably the reason why no one in a bus this crowded was sitting next to you.”

“Probably”, he whispered in Anshuman’s ear. “I’m only wearing this mask to protect myself from contracting any viruses. And I think everyone else should be doing the same themselves.”

“Oh, I have a mask too!”, Anshuman smiled in excitement.

“So why aren’t you wearing it then?”

Anshuman rummaged through his bag and pulled out a sorry excuse for a mask. It was a cheap variant of a surgical mask that resembled a colourful tissue paper suspended between rubber bands.

“Are you sure that is going to offer any protection?”

“Oh, my uncle manufactures these. It has the ISI mark, ISO 9001 certification and the Make in India logo. Ekdam mast! And imported! Would you like to buy some? Just 10 rupees each!”

The white-haired man simply raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

Meanwhile, the man standing next to Anshuman’s seat wanted to make some room for himself in the crowded bus. He got a little carried away though, and proceeded to rest his cojones on Anshuman’s shoulder.

“Aye bhai”, Anshuman protested.

“What is it?”. The man’s tone was defiant.

“Back off a bit, will you? You’re standing too close!”

“Says who?” The man’s chin went up as his eyes narrowed.

“Says the Government”, Anshuman shot back at him. “You need to maintain some distance from me and my old friend here.” He turned towards the white-haired man, winked at him and then looked back to settle the argument, “We both are COVID-19 positive!”

A few chaotic moments later, the bus sped off leaving Anshuman and the white-haired man stranded on the road.