Tuesday, 27 February 2018


The entire country has been abuzz with news of the loan fraud committed by a certain Mr. Modi (no no...not the 56-inches one!).

For the uninitiated, Mr. Nirav Modi (NiMo), a renowned diamantaire, defrauded the Punjab National Bank to the tune of a whopping Rs.11,600 crore (who comes up with these numbers??) by conniving with a few bank officers to fraudulently obtain Letters of Understanding (LOU), also known as bank guarantees, way back during 2009-11. These were then used to make payments to overseas suppliers. And then, one fine day, everyone realised that he was going bankrupt, thereby putting his own bankers and the bankers of all his suppliers at risk of default.

In a nutshell, NiMo took abused the bank's 'Unconditional LOU' and painted the whole town red a la the Boulevard of Broke-n Dreams.

Sources (absolutely unreliable, of course) tell us that the defrauded banks have all come together for an initiative that they think might help them recover part of the dues. So what is this initiative, you might ask. Presenting, the most fool-proof, lucrative and entertaining initiative possible....*drumrolls*

A MUSIC ALBUM, what else?!

And may I add, the initiative is not juts Digital, but also Cashless (see what I did there? *Wink*Wink*.)

Understandably, the music album is introspective, in that it is centred around the 'LOU-story-gone-wrong' theme. It has some distasteful and detestable catchy and alluring tracks.

Of course, banker's might be the most creative creatures when it comes to interest rates and hidden charges, but they're absolutely hopeless when it comes to composing songs of their own. Therefore, it should not come as a surprise to you that all the tracks in the album sound eerily similar to some very famous songs.

Some of the best tracks in the album are:-

1. I Wanna Know What LOU Is (Inspired by Foreigner's I Wanna Know What Love Is)
This is how it all began...Bank meets NiMo, NiMo meets Bank, NiMo gets flirty, Bank plays along, then NiMo plays a little hard-to-get, Bank pursues, NiMo gets overtly curious about LOU, and we have the recipe for the first track!

2. Take A Chance On Me (Inspired by ABBA's famous song with the same title)
NiMo finds LOU to be the perfect means to implement his nefarious plans. So he woos the Bank and subtly makes a gutsy invitation to other potential suitors as well.

3. Cheap Frills (Inspired by Sia's Cheap Thrills)
NiMo lies through his gutka-stained teeth throughout this track. He keeps insisting "I don't need no money", when that's exactly what he's wanted right from the start.

4. Nothing's Gonna Change My LOU for You (Inspired by Glenn Medeiros'....you know which song, right?)
So the Bank falls for NiMo's charms and finally gives him the LOU he wants and promises to stand by him, even through the worst of times. Sucker!

5. LOU Will Keep Us Alive (Inspired by a song by The Eagles)
Like the Eagles original, a cheesy track. Quintessential lovey-dovey song for couples in their early days.

6. Crazy Little Thing Called LOU (Brazenly copied from a Queen classic)
NiMo eventually realises that LOU is no cheap frill after all. Sample the lyrics -  "This thing called LOU, I just can't handle it, This thing called LOU, I must get round to it, I ain't ready, Crazy little thing called LOU." Too late!

7. Have I Told You Lately That I Owe You? (Shamelessly lifted from a Rod Stewart song)
NiMo finally begins to realise that he's goofed up big time. Guilt forces him to ask the Bank a seemingly innocent and harmless question.

8. I'm So Loan-ly (Shockingly similar to Bobby Vinton's Mr. Lonely)
One more song from NiMo's point-of-view. Guilt-laden or cocky? You decide!
The lyrics go - "Loan-ly, I'm So Loan-ly, Ain't Got No Money, And Now I've Flown!"

9. When You Pay Nothing At All (Ronan Keating wants his royalty cheque)
NiMo fails to service his debts. The Bank doesn't even get faux diamonds. They get nothing at all!

10. You Give LOU A Bad Name (Bon Jovi don't mind...any publicity is good publicity they say)
The Bank finally loses its patience and goes metal-thrashing-mad on NiMo. The lyrics say it all - "Shot Through The Heart, And You're To Blame, You Give LOU A Bad Name, I Played My Part, But You Played Your Game, You Give LOU A Bad Name".

So there you have it folks. Hope you liked the tracklist as much as I did. There are rumours that Banks might also consider releasing a book titled 'Default in Our Stars' in case album sales don't pick up, but I urge you not to pay attention to loose talk.

I humbly request you to treat this information as confidential. And in case you find it hard to keep secrets, please direct those interested in buying the album to me. I could do with some extra income, now that there's news that Indian corporates won't be giving out good hikes this year either.

A big thank you to Purba Ray for having inspired this write-up. Her satirical post titled "2018, A LOU Story" is absolutely hilarious. Go read it! 



  1. :) now isn't that a list and a half.. wow ..

    lovely compilation ... now if only we could have the real songs sung in that way :)


    1. Glad you liked it :)

      You really wanna hear these songs being played out? Let's jam together some day.;)

  2. If NiMo and PNB decide to get married, guess who’ll be invited as a DJ?

    Payment of course will be optional.

    1. DJ? DJ Pit-bullion maybe :p

      Payment? He could be offered a free Jan Dhan account.

  3. Any publicity is good even the LOUest sort 😁😁😁

    Love the sense of humour.

  4. Great songs. Wish these were sung by the great American singer, Lou Rawls.

    1. If Lou Rawls were alive, he might have sought to change his name after reading about this.


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