THE GREATEST 'LOU" SONGS OF ALL TIME

The entire country has been abuzz with news of the loan fraud committed by a certain Mr. Modi (no no...not the 56-inches one!).

For the uninitiated, Mr. Nirav Modi (NiMo), a renowned diamantaire, defrauded the Punjab National Bank to the tune of a whopping Rs.11,600 crore (who comes up with these numbers??) by conniving with a few bank officers to fraudulently obtain Letters of Understanding (LOU), also known as bank guarantees, way back during 2009-11. These were then used to make payments to overseas suppliers. And then, one fine day, everyone realised that he was going bankrupt, thereby putting his own bankers and the bankers of all his suppliers at risk of default.

In a nutshell, NiMo took abused the bank's 'Unconditional LOU' and painted the whole town red a la the Boulevard of Broke-n Dreams.

Sources (absolutely unreliable, of course) tell us that the defrauded banks have all come together for an initiative that they think might help them recover part of the dues. So what is this initiative, you might ask. Presenting, the most fool-proof, lucrative and entertaining initiative possible....*drumrolls*

A MUSIC ALBUM, what else?!

And may I add, the initiative is not juts Digital, but also Cashless (see what I did there? *Wink*Wink*.)

Understandably, the music album is introspective, in that it is centred around the 'LOU-story-gone-wrong' theme. It has some distasteful and detestable catchy and alluring tracks.

Of course, banker's might be the most creative creatures when it comes to interest rates and hidden charges, but they're absolutely hopeless when it comes to composing songs of their own. Therefore, it should not come as a surprise to you that all the tracks in the album sound eerily similar to some very famous songs.

Some of the best tracks in the album are:-

1. I Wanna Know What LOU Is (Inspired by Foreigner's I Wanna Know What Love Is)
This is how it all began...Bank meets NiMo, NiMo meets Bank, NiMo gets flirty, Bank plays along, then NiMo plays a little hard-to-get, Bank pursues, NiMo gets overtly curious about LOU, and we have the recipe for the first track!

2. Take A Chance On Me (Inspired by ABBA's famous song with the same title)
NiMo finds LOU to be the perfect means to implement his nefarious plans. So he woos the Bank and subtly makes a gutsy invitation to other potential suitors as well.

3. Cheap Frills (Inspired by Sia's Cheap Thrills)

NiMo lies through his gutka-stained teeth throughout this track. He keeps insisting "I don't need no money", when that's exactly what he's wanted right from the start.

4. Nothing's Gonna Change My LOU for You (Inspired by Glenn Medeiros'....you know which song, right?)

So the Bank falls for NiMo's charms and finally gives him the LOU he wants and promises to stand by him, even through the worst of times. Sucker!

5. LOU Will Keep Us Alive (Inspired by a song by The Eagles)

Like the Eagles original, a cheesy track. Quintessential lovey-dovey song for couples in their early days.

6. Crazy Little Thing Called LOU (Brazenly copied from a Queen classic)
NiMo eventually realises that LOU is no cheap frill after all. Sample the lyrics -  "This thing called LOU, I just can't handle it, This thing called LOU, I must get round to it, I ain't ready, Crazy little thing called LOU." Too late!

7. Have I Told You Lately That I Owe You? (Shamelessly lifted from a Rod Stewart song)

NiMo finally begins to realise that he's goofed up big time. Guilt forces him to ask the Bank a seemingly innocent and harmless question.

8. I'm So Loan-ly (Shockingly similar to Bobby Vinton's Mr. Lonely)

One more song from NiMo's point-of-view. Guilt-laden or cocky? You decide!

The lyrics go - "Loan-ly, I'm So Loan-ly, Ain't Got No Money, And Now I've Flown!"

9. When You Pay Nothing At All (Ronan Keating wants his royalty cheque)

NiMo fails to service his debts. The Bank doesn't even get faux diamonds. They get nothing at all!

10. You Give LOU A Bad Name (Bon Jovi don't mind...any publicity is good publicity they say)

The Bank finally loses its patience and goes metal-thrashing-mad on NiMo. The lyrics say it all - "Shot Through The Heart, And You're To Blame, You Give LOU A Bad Name, I Played My Part, But You Played Your Game, You Give LOU A Bad Name".

So there you have it folks. Hope you liked the tracklist as much as I did. There are rumours that Banks might also consider releasing a book titled 'Default in Our Stars' in case album sales don't pick up, but I urge you not to pay attention to loose talk.

I humbly request you to treat this information as confidential. And in case you find it hard to keep secrets, please direct those interested in buying the album to me. I could do with some extra income, now that there's news that Indian corporates won't be giving out good hikes this year either.

A big thank you to Purba Ray for having inspired this write-up. Her satirical post titled "2018, A LOU Story" is absolutely hilarious. Go read it! 

Cheers,

CRD

SIX-STRING INSPIRATIONS

I've always been a lover of music. Wide exposure (especially through the Internet) has made me an avid fan of music cutting across genres, ranging from 'Bollywood' music, Ghazals, Sufiana, Hindustani Classical music to Classic Rock and Heavy Metal. Although listening to music topped my personal list of stress-busters, learning the guitar was a thought that always fascinated me since my teenage days. I would sometimes borrow my sister's old guitar to try my hand. and slowly and patiently managed to work my way through the basics. So imagine my delight when my sister and brother-in-law gifted me a brand new acoustic guitar on my birthday early this year.

Learning to play the guitar was an attempt to go beyond merely listening to music to overcome stress. Almost a year into the journey, I can proudly say that I have come a long way. Apart from the musical bliss, however, learning to play the guitar has taught me a few 'Lessons of Life'.

Lessons learnt from learning to play the Guitar:-

1. No Pain, No Gain: Bruised and blistered finger-tips can deter many beginners early on. But it is important to carry on. Eventually, the calluses formed on the fingertips through repeated friction help desensitise guitarists from the pain, and the guitar-playing only gets better. In life as well, perseverance pays off in the long run.


2. Fear Hinders Progress: Early on, I purchased a Capo thinking it would help me avoid barre chords. I even came up with a phrase of my own 'When Life Gives You Barre Chords, Put A Capo On It'. However, I eventually realised that avoiding barre chords led to heavy restrictions on my learning. After mastering the basic open chords, I realised I couldn't play beyond a few simple songs only because I did not know have to play barre chords. When I realised how much of an obstacle it had become, I finally decided to let go of my fear and ditch the Capo. Although it was painful and extremely frustrating in the beginning, it opened up a whole new world for me in my journey as a guitarist. In life as well, one must learn to let go of fear and take a leap of faith. You might end up failing, but at least you moved.


3. It's okay to ask for help: Although I did not take help from a personal guitar coach, I did not hesitate to look up tutorial videos on YouTube or even consult friends for help with strumming patterns and chord progressions. Seeking help does not amount to self-doubt and does not mean admitting that you are weak; it simply means you want to improve.


4. It is never too late to learn: Most of the world-renowned guitarists started off pretty early, with an average age of 15 being the latest (Judas Priest's Glenn Tipton apparently started out at age 21). Although I'm nowhere in the A-league of guitarists, I'm not the only one to have decided to learn to play the guitar after crossing the age of 30. It is never too late to start learning; learning can start at any time and can go on till a person's final breath.


5. Understanding 'why' can make life easier: There is logic and science behind the sounds a guitar makes - string combinations, string tension, muting effect, et al. Likewise, people and things behave in a certain manner for a plethora of underlying reasons. Understand this helps us gain wonderful perspectives and insights about people and about life at large.


6. Innate talent can be an advantage: Like many others, I was fortunate to have an innate ear for music. I realised I had the advantage of identifying right notes from flawed ones, and this held me in good stead. There is nothing to be guilty about using your innate talent to your advantage. In fact, not putting your talents to good use is foolish.


7. Talent without hard work does not guarantee success: You might be a naturally gifted musician at heart, endowed with all the flair and brilliance that the best guitarists possess. But if you do not work hard at sharpening your skills, you will not progress beyond a certain level.


8. Passion can be a form of escapism: Often, the love for playing guitar can transcend the passion for music; it could reflect escapism or a filler to a void in a person's life, or perhaps something to boost a person's sagging self-image. It is okay to pursue something passionately to fill a void, but one must be careful to be able to draw the limits so as to not let his/her alternate life take control of conventional life.


9. Perfect string + Bad Tuning = Noise: A perfect guitar string that is tuned badly can ruin a musical performance, even though the string is not inherently flawed. Likewise, most people are inherently nice, but could come across as repulsive simply because of behaviour spawned by bad experiences.


10. It is hard to hold onto a habit that you don't enjoy: It is not unusual to hear about people who initially take to the guitar with full enthusiasm, but eventually the interest fizzes out. The same can be said about gymming, and about hobbies. If you decide to pursue something that you do not enjoy, and that you are not really passionate about, you are bound to end it sooner or later.

BRUCE DICKINSON

Welcome to the second day of the A to Z Challenge April 2016. Today I am supposed to write about something that begins with the letter B. I thought and racked my brains all day, but couldn't think of anything close to my heart. My wife helped me with a few suggestions - Babies, Black, Bands, Blogging, Bollywood, and many more B-words. Some words that came to my mind were Bosses, Bed and Beautiful, but I eventually deemed them too risque for my own good. Luckily my MP3 playlist came to my rescue and an Iron Maiden song (Hallowed Be Thy Name) reminded me of someone who happens to be my God from the world of Heavy Metal music - the legendary lead vocalist of Iron Maiden, Bruce Dickinson.

The story of my craze for Iron Maiden and Bruce Dickinson is an interesting one. In my early years, I never really liked Hard Rock and Heavy Metal music, and thought of these genres as nothing but a whole lot of senseless noise. As time went on, however, as is the case with most teenagers, there was this phase when I experienced feelings of angst and rebellion. My rebellious streak made me try to experiment with things that were 'evil'. Not one to get too adventurous (read smoking and boozing), I chose to experiment with what I perceived to be dark and evil. I borrowed an audio cassette bearing a rather ghoulish and satanic looking cover image from a friend of mine. Since it looked kinda creepy, I was careful to keep it hidden from my folks, and decided to play it on my walkman in the middle of the night.

Believe me, the first time I played it, I couldn't listen beyond five seconds, because what I heard freaked me out. I heard the opening drum fill, which sounded like a splatter gun firing bullets real quick, and really fast guitars and bass guitars, which were ear-piercing. The singer possessed a breath-taking mix of banshee-like wails and an operatic vocal range. My heart was pounding and I could feel a chill run down my spine. It took me almost 20 minutes to actually listen to the five-and-a-half minutes track. But ever since then, I've been hooked to the band. The song was 'Where Eagles Dare' from the album 'Piece of Mind' by Iron Maiden, with Bruce Dickinson on vocals. You can see the album cover on the right.

As I discovered, the lyrics to the songs on the album were not senseless violent gibberish. The lyrics and themes of the songs were actually very intellectual. Some songs dealt with historical themes, some with religious doctrines, some about war and politics, and so on. It completely changed my outlook towards Heavy Metal music, and I learnt to not take things at face value.

Bruce Dickinson, by the way, is not just a musician. He is a genius, who is able to juggle a plethora of roles. Apart from touring with Iron Maiden, he also possesses a commercial pilot license (he still flies the band to and from tour locations in a Boeing aircraft named Ed Force One). In the past, apart from commercial operations, he has been involved in rescue flight missions in war zones like Afghanistan and Lebanon. Bruce is also a TV presenter, having hosted aviation-related shows on BBC and Discovery Channel. It doesn't end here. The guy is also an avid fencer. And last, but certainly not the least, the man is also an entrepreneur. He is the Chairman of Cardiff Aviation, which is involved in the business of Aircraft Leasing and Maintenance, Repair & Overhaul Operations, and also runs a successful distillery business which produces a beer brand named 'The Trooper', after a popular Iron Maiden song. Bruce is an inspiration for many of us underachievers, who blame paucity of time and other commitments for our inability to pursue multiple interests. I am no different. Bruce, for me, represented the positive and motivational side of what many others perceived to be mindless, cocky, narcissistic, sex, drug and booze-laced music scene. He was my Hero and whenever I had the chance, I'd tell my friends and acquaintances about him.

The best part of this post, however, is about something special that happened on October 31, 2015. IndiBlogger organised the Blog Now Live Forever event at The Lalit in Mumbai. Guess who was the Star Guest Speaker at this event - it was Bruce himself! He spoke about Entrepreneurship and about the importance of converting customers into fans. It was a dream come true for me. Fortunately, I was able to ask him a question, and was also lucky to receive a handshake from the Legend himself at the post-session get-together. Unfortunately though, I thought it would be rude and irritating to beg him for a photograph, and hence missed out on one (many others, who were not even metal fans, got their photo op). Nevertheless, there is one picture in which both of us are in the same frame. It is something I will cherish for a lifetime, and maybe even brag about to my grandchildren.

HERE IT IS!!

BENEATH THE GREASEPAINT

Musicians, especially from the Rock and Metal fraternity, tend to have a reputation of being druggies, bad-boys and wild brats, with all the musical talent in the world, but zero brains. Ask any average Joe what they think when they think about Rock Musicians, and they’ll either say "Sex, Booze, Weed and Rock & Roll" or "Getting Wasted".

But what if I told you that there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to some of these musicians? What if I told you that some of them are brilliant, and not just in music? What if I told you that some of them can give geniuses a run for their money? What if I labelled some of them as sources of inspiration and motivation? You might dismiss these statements as figments of imagination or fantasy. But guess what, you’re about to be proved wrong.

Let’s check out some Rock Stars who have surprised the world:-

DUFF MCKAGAN

Former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan (born Michael Andrew McKagan) was a high school dropout, whose only aim in life was attaining rock 'n' roll superstardom. Somewhere down the line, however, his life took a 180 degrees turn. After having reached a point where he nearly drank himself to death, Duff sobered up. While attempting to check the band’s finances, he realised that he couldn't understand a thing. Embarrassed, but determined to change things, he enrolled in a community college and got himself a Bachelor's degree in Business from Seattle University. Furthermore, he went on to get a high-school diploma in 2012. Duff currently owns a financial management company called Meridian Rock. His musical pursuits never took a backseat though.

BRIAN MAY

Brian May is the lead guitarist of one of the greatest (and apparently most educated) bands of all time – Queen. Unknown to many, even before the band made it big, he had graduated with honors way back in 1968, and had begun working towards his PhD in Astrophysics. Along the way, however, making music with the band prevented him from getting his PhD for nearly 40 year, although he never let go of his passion. In 2006, he was invited back to the Imperial College, London, to finish what he had started. Finally, in 2007, a long 37 years after he began working on his doctorate, Sir Brian May finally got himself a PhD.

MARILYN MANSON

Shock-rocker Marilyn Manson (real name Brian Hugh Warner) is known for his controversial stage image and antics. His shocking and provocative antics, effective use of loud and heavy make-up and accessories, evil lyrics and 'satanic' album imagery paint a horrifying image. However, beneath the stage persona is a man who has a degree in journalism and who has had a stint as an Associate Editor with a magazine. The 'gentleman' also happens to be a painter and an actor. The man's intelligence can be gauged by watching or reading some of his interviews.

TOM ARAYA

Tom Araya, the Chilean-American bassist and vocalist of American Thrash Metal band Slayer is ranked among the 100 Greatest Metal Vocalists of all time. His persona, his attire, his voice, the songs his band sings, the seemingly 'anti-religious' themes of the band's songs would make you believe that he is a Devilish ghoul. Beneath the 'evil' facade, however, lies a spiritually-inclined man who once upon a time worked as a respiratory therapist at a hospital for five years. He used the earnings from his job to finance Slayer's first album, 'Show No Mercy'.

BRUCE DICKINSON

This guy is a personal favourite. Bruce Dickinson is the frontman of British Heavy Metal band 'Iron Maiden'. Regularly featuring in lists of greatest metal vocalists of all time, Bruce has a wide vocal range, and is the pioneer of the Power Metal sub-genre of Heavy Metal music (which makes use of operatic vocals). Interestingly, besides music, he manages to juggle a plethora of roles. Apart from being a devoted family man, he is also a pilot. In the past, apart from commercial operations, he has been involved in rescue flight missions in war zones like Afghanistan and Lebanon. Furthermore, he is also a TV presenter, having hosted aviation-related shows on BBC and Discovery Channel.

RICK ALLEN

Rick Allen's story is one of courage, determination and true friendship. Rick is the drummer for British Heavy Metal band 'Def Leppard'. "What's so special about being a drummer?", you might ask. Well, Rick happens to play drums with only one hand. In 1984 (eight years after the band was formed), at the young age of 22, Rick's left arm had to be amputated after an accident. As expected, he slipped into depression. He thought it was the end of his musical career. But the band vowed not to carry on without him. Rick's bandmates helped him customise the drum kit by consulting engineers to carry out a few tweaks in the foot pedals. They were patient with him as he set about on an uncertain journey of unlearning and re-learning drumming. Within a year's time, Rick was back to performing with the band, and the rest, as they say, is history. The band's popularity only increased with time.

LARS ULRICH

Lars Ulrich is the Danish-born drummer of the American Thrash Metal band, 'Metallica'. He is one of the most popular drummers among metalheads, The son of Denmark's popular tennis pro Torben Ulrich, Lars himself was a top-10 ranker on the junior tennis circuit in Denmark. However, at some point, his love for music eventually took centrestage, and he left professional tennis to make history in rock music. Needless to say, he still plays tennis casually.


SERJ TANKIAN

Born to Armenian parents in Lebanon, Serj Tankian is the frontman for American Nu-Age Metal band 'System of a Down'. Most of the band's songs, although they deal with subjects like human rights, politics, religion and the environment, have risque and provocative titles and lyrics. Serj, however, is not a brainless joker that laymen would assume all rockstars to be. Unknown to many, Serj has a Bachelor's Degree in Marketing and Business from the California State University. The picture on the left is quite geeky, ain't it?


GLENN MEDEIROS

Glenn Medeiros is the Portuguese-born American popstar who, as a teenager, made the song 'Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You' the anthem for love-struck couples the world over. Somewhere down the line, however, the strapping young man felt that teaching was his real calling. In a move that takes a lot of guts, one fine day he bade the music industry goodbye and took up teaching. Today, he is the Vice-Prinicipal of  Maryknoll School in Honolulu, USA.

DEXTER HOLLAND

Dexter Holland is the lead vocalist of the punk rock band ‘The Offspring’, which gained fame in the late 90s for hits like "Why Don't You Get a Job?" and "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)". Interestingly, Holland has a Bachelor's degree in Biology and a Master's in Molecular Biology from the University of Southern California. Long ago, before the band had gained fame, Dexter had actually commenced a PhD in Molecular Biology, but eventually had to let it go when the band began to make it big. Today, Holland is a doctoral student at the Laboratory of Viral Oncology and Proteomics Research and has published research papers on the subject of HIV.

SALMAN AHMAD

Salman Ahmad is a musician, popularly known as the lead guitarist for the now-defunct Pakistani rock band that made Sufi Rock cool...'Junoon'. Salman's profile is impressive. He is a singer, songwriter, film presenter, author and a social activist. He is also a professor at Queens College (CUNY) where he teaches music and poetry from Muslim culture. Unknown to many, he is also a qualified Physician, having completed his studies in the USA.

FAWAD KHAN

Most of us know Fawad Khan as the lead actor paired opposite Sonam Kapoor in the movie Khoobsurat. Not many know that Fawad actually started his career as the lead vocalist of one of Pakistan's most popular Heavy Metal bands, 'Entity Paradigm'. On the academic front, he is a graduate of the National University of Computer and Emerging Sciences, Lahore.

PALASH SEN

Closer home, Indi-Rock band Euphoria’s frontman Palash Sen is quite popular in India for his energy levels and voice. In a country that is not known to be too kind to its home-bred rockstars, Palash is known as a songwriter, musician and an actor. How many of you, however, know that he is also a Doctor, with an MBBS degree from the University College of Medical Sciences (UCMS) in Delhi?




There are three things that can be learnt from this write-up on rockstars and their perceived images:-

• Looks can be deceiving

• Most people have talents and traits that lay hidden, but can certainly surprise you

• If you have passion to do something, nothing can stop you

Cheers
CRD

This post was selected by BlogAdda as one of the Tangy Tuesday Picks of the Week on 7th July 2015.