Thursday, 12 April 2018

KILLER BAIL


Last week, Bollywood superstar Salman Khan was finally sentenced to five years imprisonment for a 20-year old blackbuck poaching case. Thankfully (for Bhai's fans), he was let out on bail even before he could ask for copies of holy scriptures to read in prison. Seems Karma is usually a bitch for normal people like you and me, but is an obedient driver for Bhai.

News of his bail led to massive applause from Salman fans, and a huge outcry from law-abiding citizens. While his supporters felt that justice had finally prevailed, the others (not me, I swear!) were left bemoaning yet another instance of the rich and famous geting away rather cheaply.

Detractors (including Vivek Oberoi) would have preferred to see Sallu being treated like a normal citizen and being held captive in a cell. Yet, it seems Sallu fans have listed some reasons why he deserved a bail. Of course, as always, these have been procured from reliable sources, but please believe them at your own risk.

Here are the reasons why Salman 'Tiger Bail Per Hai' Khan deserved bail:-

Bhai Was Bound By Contract
At the time, Sallu Bhai was working on the movie 'Hum Saath Saath Hain' in Jodhpur. As per the contract he signed with Rajshri Productions, he was supposed to be 'shooting' in Jodhpur.


Someone Told Bhai That The Blackbuck's Name Was Chedi Singh
Rumour has it that Bhai was then reading the script to Dabanng, and that some wisecrack told him that the blackbuck's name was Chedi Singh. "Hum tum mein itne ched karenge ki confuse ho jaoge ki saans kahan se le aur paadein kahan se." Get it? Rumour also has it that someone told him that the blackbuck's name was Vivek.

Bhai Misread The Situation
Apparently, a tourist guide told Sallu that blackbucks were an endangered species. Bhai (being highly educated) thought he was the one in danger.

Bhai Did It In National Interest
Salman was only doing his duty as a Desh-Premi by attacking Kaala Dhan. What? Black Buck, Black Money...same thing na?

It Was Suicide
Bhai didn't kill the blackbuck. The blackbuck asked Bhai to adopt it, and he (politely) refused, because limited carpet area in his apartment and shit. The Result? Such dejection...much suicide! Or maybe Bhai sang a song or something...same response, suicide.

Now? After All These Years?
Bhai's detractors say justice delayed is justice denied. Bhai's supporters say the kith and kin of the dead blackuck might all be dead too. So what's the point?

Six reasons fellas! Six! There are many more, but it was hard to keep listening to Sallu fans.

You got any more reasons? Add them to in the comments section.

Image courtesy: www.gustakhimaaf.com


11 comments:

  1. hahhaha.. this is your kickass masterpiece chris.. loved this.. sarcastic dude!

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    1. Glad you liked it Deepa. Thanks :)

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  2. OMG, I have been laughing for the last few minutes. Your sense of humour laced with sarcasm is fantastic.

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  3. Ha ha ha! Laughed a lot. Thanks for starting my day with so much fun!

    www.balconysunrise.wordpress.com

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  4. Hahahahaha you know I am glad you wrote this. Some of us needed this post. Loved the satire.

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  5. What a post.. Just wow... Kala dhan wala point is so apt. :P

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  6. Hahaha, he might as well say the driver shot the black buck. Worked in his previous cases.

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  7. Ha ha, the best one from all your posts I have read till now!
    On a serious note, we can only be mute spectators to famous people getting away with their crimes because we are just 'aam janta'(general public).

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