"I can't believe this is happening", Lata shook her head in disapproval.
"The HR team is simply doing their job", Gulshan explained, "Besides, they haven't conducted too many training sessions over the past few months, so they can hardly refuse someone volunteering to conduct a workshop - even if it is someone like Anshuman."
"Oh well", she sighed, "At least they were kind enough to let us go through this workshop over the weekend from the comfort of our homes. Did you try that sample?"
"Mmm..I was a little hesitant at first, so I made two people in my neighborhood try it first. They strangely seemed to like it. When I told them that this hand sanitizer was prepared at home by a colleague of mine, they refused to believe me. I must admit, I like the smell too."
"Have you tried it yourself though?" Lata sniggered.
"No way, Boss! And I don't think you should either."
"Too late!" she chuckled, "It's hand sanitizer after all. I'm pretty sure there's no gaumutra in this one. And I kid you not, it actually is pretty gentle on the hands. And the fragrance is quite refreshing. And yeah, it's hard to believe this is homemade stuff."
"We'll find out pretty soon. Anshuman's online workshop on 'How to make hand sanitizers at home' is about to begin. Let's log in Boss."
"Let's go."
Lata logged in. She could see there were about 90-odd participants so far, but the count kept increasing. She was quite impressed.
At exactly the pre-decided time, Anshuman appeared on the screen. He was standing in front of what looked like a kitchen counter. On the counter was a pretty huge glass bowl and three transparent bottles filled with unidentifiable fluids. He was wearing an apron.
"Good evening friends", Anshuman began speaking, "Thank you all for spending your valuable weekend time with me. As you know, I am here to conduct a workshop on making hand sanitizers at home. In these times of uncertainty...", he then took a long pause, probably because he had forgotten what he was supposed to say. Lata laughed out loud after confirming she was on mute. A few miles away, Gulshan did the same.
Anshuman could clearly hear a lot of guffaws in the background. Eventually, he broke the awkwardness by putting everyone else on mute before continuing, "Let us first check with our audience, how many of you have received the sample?" At once, a survey questionnaire popped up on all viewers' screens to help them convey their responses - it had one button marked 'Yes' and another button marked 'No'.
"Great", Anshuman continued after a few seconds, now sounding a little confident, "I see that out of the 113 people attending this workshop, about 110 have already received their samples. My apologies to those who couldn't get their samples."
"Lucky bastards!" Gulshan said in his head. He was watching the session very keenly, simply expecting something unexpected to happen.
"How many of you have tried the sample?" Anshuman asked, and at once another question popped up on the screen. Lata and Gulshan both clicked on Yes.
"I see that all 110 of you who received the sample have tried it! That's wonderful!" Anshuman was already manning the session like a pro. "We now move on to the next question, which is pretty obvious!"
The next question that popped up on screen was "Did you like the product?"
Gulshan initially chose to ignore the question, thinking it would allow him to get away without an answer. To his disappointment, he wasn't being allowed to proceed without a response. Having no other choice, he picked the safest option.
"This is really encouraging guys!" Anshuman screamed like an excited teenage girl, "All of you have liked my product. I feel really ecstatic. Thank you guys!"
Lata expected the next set of questions to be more specific - perhaps there would be questions about the look and feel, the colour, the fragrance, the texture, etc. Strangely though, there were no more questions thereafter.
"I will now waste no more time and dive straight into the process of making hand sanitizers at home. Guys, it doesn't get more natural and organic than this."
Anshuman placed the bowl right in front of himself, making sure his viewers would have a clear view. "First, you are going to need an alcoholic base with 90% alcohol content. That's what will kill the microbial bodies. I'm using surgical spirit."
"Surgical spirit? There goes 100% natural out of the window!" Lata threw her hands up in the air in disappointment, as she watched him empty three 100 ml bottles of surgical spirit into the huge bowl.
"Next, we're going to need Aloe Vera pulp. That's what will help protect your hands against the harsh effect of alcohol."
"Aloe Vera Pulp? That's natural alright." Gulshan cupped his jaws in his hands and mumbled to himself.
"Many of you might be growing aloe vera plants in your flowerbeds, some of you can easily find these plants in the gardens of your housing colonies. You will need just a few leaves. Here's what you need to do - make slits on both the edges of the leaf, open it up and scoop out the pulp using a spoon. Like this." Anshuman demonstrated the process quite well.
"Make sure you maintain a 2:1 ratio - 2 parts alcohol and 1 part aloe vera", he extracted enough aloe vera pulp to full the bowl halfway to the brim, "And now, finally, we're going to need an essential body oil for a soothing fragrance. I'm using lavender oil that I ordered from the Vain Vixen app."
"Vain Vixen??" Lata felt her jaw drop to the floor.
"Just a couple of drops. There we go."
Gulshan sat at the edge of his seat.
"And now friends, since we have all the ingredients ready, it's time to mix them all together."
Gulshan saw that all 113 viewers were still very much online. He rubbed his hands together, almost as if he knew exactly what was going to happen next.
And exactly as he expected, Anshuman dunked both his hands elbow-deep into the bowl.
Out of the 130 viewers originally logged in, only one remained online till the very end to watch him complete the mixing.
But completely oblivious of the reactions he had evoked online, Anshuman ended the session with the statement "There you go folks! For your hands only...by my hands only!"
Who do you think watched the session till the very end? Lemme know in the comments.
Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot
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