TURNING A NEW LEAF

An extract of a very popular Catholic hymn titled 'Be With Us Mary' goes like this - "No man can live as an island, journeying through life alone". True enough, mankind needs relationships for nurturing and to grow, and surely even to survive. No matter how much of a loner a person might be, deep inside he always craves for some kind of human contact.

Everyone has relationships. As kids, we have our parents and grandparents to raise us and give us solid ground in health and values. Without care in early childhood, no one can survive. In our adolescence and teenage years, we have our friends and peers, along with family, to help us through. From there on, even though we might have a sea of friends and family, we crave for that one special companion, with whom we can share our feelings, our needs, our desires, and intimate moments, without feelings of guilt or the fear of being judged. Everyone needs a lover/spouse.

Like everyone else, I too had dreams of finding that someone special, falling in love with her, making my feelings known, having the same feelings reciprocated, and living happily ever after. Even better if she had to do all the hard work. Either way, I wanted to experience a romantic love life. I had promised myself that I would only have a love marriage. The idea of spending my life with someone I did not know and whom getting to did not entail any sort of pursuit simply did not appeal to me. 

So when I hadn't found love (of the requited type) even after finishing my studies, fetching a job and turning 28, I was utterly disappointed. Like all Indian parents, mine also began getting worried about my future and experiencing pseudo panic attacks when I wan't showing signs of wanting to settle down. Motions to get me consider getting married were very subtle initially, but very soon turned blatant and eventually to threats and ultimatums. Then came the dreaded profiles created on my behalf on matrimonial sites. But yours truly offered fierce resistance, not ready to have anything lesser than a love marriage. Soon I was being told to phone and/or meet girls. Sometimes I was tricked into attending functions/events to meet someone. Most of the time, I was able to fend off interest with my not-so-attractive looks and boring demeanor. Of course, there were a few times where the parents did not approve of the girl. Either way, I wasn't complaining, and life was good.

My parents were getting anxious. My brother already had a girlfriend and my marriage was the only thing that was keeping him waiting in line. I did feel guilty, but I also thought it was unfair on their part to expect me to toe their line just to match their expectations. But I decided to cede some ground by at least wholeheartedly meeting girls, even if only to keep my family happy. 

One day, my mom sent me to an aunt's place to go and collect something. My aunt handed me an envelope and said that there are a girl's photographs in it. This made me livid, since my family hadn't taken me into confidence. Having concealed my anger from my aunt, I simply came home and handed the envelope to my parents without even looking at the contents.

The next day, being a Sunday, our family went to church. As soon as service was over, my family asked me to wait with them outside. Very soon, another family consisting of a lady, her sister and her two young daughters joined us. Both families exchanged pleasantries, and me and one of the girls were introduced to each other. I immediately realised that I had been tricked. This time though, I somehow wasn't angry at all. In fact, post conversing with the girl, I realised that I actually enjoyed her company. Somehow, I had become keen on meeting her again.

I searched her up on facebook, sent her a friend invitation, and set up a date to meet so as to get to know her better.

A few meetings later, we conveyed our assent to get engaged in a couple of months, and to get married six months after the engagement.

Today, I and my wife have been married for more than three years, and we have a 15-months old kid to stand witness to our deep love for each other. I am so glad that I had altered my stance of not meeting someone and shutting people out of my life. If I had to remain adamant, I would have probably missed meeting my soulmate.

Truly, when you decide to turn a new leaf in your life, changes become possible and dreams come to life.

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