DIARY OF A FAT MAN - CONDITION SERIOUS HAI

2nd January 2014

Dear Diary,

On New Year's Eve, I committed the mistake of suggesting the idea of New Year's Resolutions to Wifey dear. To top it off, I told her my resolution was to lose at least 10 kgs. I thought she'd like the joke, but forgot that it's the Patni who decides what's a joke and what's not. Since morning, she's been keeping a strict tab on my input food intake. In the beginning, it felt cute, but now it feels like my every move is being watched. I'm afraid...very very afraid. Whoever thought she'd get so serious about my joke? Condition serious hai Bhidu!

9th January 2014

Dear Diary,

It was my birthday today. Wifey got together with my parents and planned a surprise birthday party for me. They got me a beautiful cake with lotsa chocolate and cream. There couldn't have been a more cruel gesture. Thanks to my wife's diet regimen (for me, of course), I only got to cut my cake. The eating domain was reserved only for the family. Dinner was mutton dum biryani for them and sprouts salad for me. I don't even know how to pronounce salad properly. I have a strong sense that Wifey has taken Mom aboard on her no-good mission. I ain't liking this at all. Bada serious maamla hai!

19th January 2014

Dear Diary,

Wifey has bought a brand new measuring tape, the one that carpenters use. The previous one was shorter than my belt she says - not that I cared. She also told me that she wants to buy an electronic weighing scale, after the old analog one showed that I'd managed to restrict my weight to 120 kgs. Wifey said something about the analog scale's maximum capacity being 120 kgs, but I don't understand what that means. Things are getting worse day by day for me. This weight-loss programme is turning out to be a huge burden on my finances - so what if we saved costs on 2 litres of oil and 5 kg of aata this month?

27th January 2014

Dear Diary,

I hate green tea! I hate green tea! I hate green tea! I HATE GREEN TEA!!!!!

5th February 2014

Dear Diary,

Wifey dear bought me a nice and cosy exercise mat. Pink was not the colour I was looking for, but I guess I'll ignore the shade for the comfort it gives. I reckon lying on the floor with my bag of buttered popcorn watching football would be much more fun with this mat. By the way, Wifey thinks I'm using it to do ab-crunches, and is dreaming of a six-pack by the end of this month. In my opinion, a sleeker family-pack would be more like it. Time for my evening snack. Catch you later!

18th February 2014

Dear Diary,

I've forgotten what chicken tastes like. I miss ice-cream. Has Pepsi come out with a new flavour in the past month? I want chocolate! Lemme go grab my evening snack!

23rd February 2014

Dear Diary,

Wifey's electronic weighing scale says I'm 118 kgs now. After all the hard work, this is what I get? Just 2 kgs lost? This is insane. The b#@*h is lying I tell you, stupid no-good machine! I could bet I saw WIFEY sob inconsolably as she picked up the phone and dialled my Mom's number. I really don't know where I've gone wrong. I think resolutions and me don't get along too well, huh? Condition bada SERIOUS hai, I tell you. Anyway, time for my evening snack. Does wifey know? Nah! It's our lil secret. Cadbury 5 Star is awesome, Jo Khaaye Kho Jaye!

Five per day is okay, right?

This post is written for Indiblogge'sr Cadbury Five Star contest - #Condition Serious Hai.

Like Cadbury 5 Star Facebook Page for your daily dose of starry yum-yum!

LOVE YOU, PENNY

Kunal adjusted his glasses. Shaili's face was glowing. Maybe it was the smile on her face that gave it the glow, he couldn't decide.

The evening had been perfect so far. Both of them had dressed well, the table had been booked well in advance, she didn't keep him waiting long, the restaurant had great ambiance, the starters and main course were superb, their drink was good. Hell, even the PDA Shaili had been showering on him had been superb.

"So", he said, picking up his wine glass, "You still upset about missing that BIG SALE of yours?" He took a small sip.

She nodded her head sideways and gave him a shy smile. "Naah", the tone was shy and meek. "I'm glad we came here."

"Think about it. All we'd be doing at that sale was running around half the time checking out stuff, and then spending the other half in those long billing queues. We'd never get to spend quality time together."

"Yeah", she said feebly, "You're my smart cutie pie, that's what you are."

He took another sip and gave her a smile. "You're a real sweetheart, d'ya know that? Thank you for agreeing to come here."

"I'm sorry sweety", she turned her gaze downwards, "I shouldn't have argued with you. I didn't know this would turn out to be such a wonderful evening".

"Any place with you by my side is wonderful baby", he said and kissed her hand, "Any place where we get to spend time with each other...talking...or simply gazing into each other's eyes."

"Next Valentine's can we go to the Ritz?"

"Aww babe, I told you, that place gets crowded too soon. Trust me, it wouldn't have been fun waiting for our turn."

"Hmm", she swept the kiss-curls off her forehead, "I really wanted to watch that movie, first day first show".

"Yeah, right, sit next to each other in a dark room and stare into a huge screen. what fun, no?", he chuckled.

She felt guilty again. "I'm sorry sweetu, this evening was the best I've had in months."

"I love you Shaili", he said and kissed her hand again.

"Let's go hun, it's getting late", she said. Then she waved her hand out in the direction of the chap who had waited on them, "Check please!"

"Why don't you go to the washroom and freshen up? I'll take care of the bill in the meantime.", he gave her the cutest smile he'd given in years.

"Okay, see you in a couple of minutes", she said as she trudged away in the direction of the ladies washroom.

Kunal quickly made his way to the billing counter. He pulled out his wallet, produced a paper cut-out from it and plonked it on the counter.

"Here's the coupon. 50% off, right?"

INFLATION IS A GREAT LEVELLER

Wishing You All A Very Happy Valentine's Day!

Cheers