Sunday, 26 December 2010

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN


Yet another Christmas has come and gone. Santa's doled out his gifts. I stopped asking him for gifts ever since I overgrew the biggest stocking available in the market. But since we humans like to receive, Santa's still in business.

Here's a list of things some of the rich and famous must've asked from Santa:-

Ashok Chavan - Nevermind my ministry. I want my flat back.

Tiger Woods - I want a trophy...and a new cellphone with QWERTY keypads.

Shane Warne - I need lotsa phone numbers. I don't work anymore..whadda you expect me to do all day for Christsakes?

Julian Assange - I want nothing. But I do know what YOU want. I'll keep your fans posted ;)

Veena Malik - I wanna go back to Pakistan

The Great Khali - Umphh gmmph jukssh ummph...

Begum Nawazish Ali - I wanna be a man...ermm..no, a woman....uhmmm..no wait...gimme some time to think meri jaan!

Arnab Goswami - Forget what I want. Tonight INDIA wants an answer Mr.Santa. Where were you all these months??

China - We want Tibet, Arunachal, Taipei, Aksai Chin....

Freddy Mercury's ghost - I want to ride my bicycle...

Himesh Reshammiya - (angrily) Mujhe tere ghar mein roti chaahiye!!!

Akshay Kumar - Mujhe ek hit chahiye

Abhishek Bachchan - Hey, that ain't fair, I came first....D'oh

A Raja - I want...ahem...psst...I'll call you

Indian opposition parties - Humein bhi scam-scam khelna hai!!

Pranab Mukherjee - zzzzzz

Dr.Manmohan Singh - What do you want me to want Soniaji?

Rajnikant - Come here Santa...tell me what you want..

CRD - I want lotsa comments!!


Feel free to add a few more via your comments.

Compliments of the season!!

Cheers, CRD

Monday, 1 November 2010

FAKEBOOK - THE TIGER-CUB

A few friends sent me some funny emails last week. The emails had funny status messages of people who lived in times when FB didn't exist - Galileo and Julius Caesar to be precise. The mails were so funny, that they inspired me to create something on my own, based on current events.

This piece took me more than 4 hours to create, but it was really worth the effort. I could probably do this more often - a weekly/monthly series would be nice.

Seems the picture ain't very clear. So I suggest you open the image on a new window and then zoom in.

Oh by the way, let me put a disclaimer:- This article is meant to be humourous...and critical as well. As a blogger, I endeavour to put my freedom of expression to use. So please do not set out to burn me after reading this :P



Thursday, 16 September 2010

PILED-UP EVIDENCE


It's ironical, but work tends to make you lazy. Office-work to be precise. When we were younger, we used to spend a lot of energy running around, playing some sport or the other, carrying heavy school-bags, etc. In short, we had our daily dose of workouts back then.

But things change as soon as we're adults. We really do work much more, but in the process, our bottoms stay glued to our seats.

I've gained a lot of weight since the new job happened. The four-month workout and weight loss has finally gone to waste. My weighing machine said so. Even if it hadn't to, I'd have found out. The signs say it all.

Presenting, 10 signs that tell you that you've piled on the pounds:-

  1. You need standing space as big as a 6-by-6 ki kholi, while you're in a bus or a train

  2. When you cease to be beefy, and now look muttony (read fleshy)

  3. When your umbrella is not wide enough to cover your whole body

  4. When otherwise fierce and massive dogs move aside with their tails between their legs, every time you cross their path

  5. When you begin to seethe with rage every time someone gets referred to as 'jaadya', never mind if they're strangers

  6. When you stop using the family soap bar, and need one exclusively for yourself...and even that needs to be replaced every three days

  7. When your stepping into a swimming pool causes floods in the tiled area around it

  8. When your old baggy-shirts now fit like body-hugging baniyaans

  9. When you begin to fall short of frame-space while getting solo pictures of yourself clicked

  10. When football teams are desperate to have you join them, as a goalkeeper. And no matter how much you plead that you were trained as a midfielder and not as a goalie, they tell you that all you have to do is stand in front of the goalpost

Cheers
CRD

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

LOVE.PARASITE.


You Cast Your Spell
I Burn In Hell

I Wish You Well
You Toll The Bell
Nay, Not The Bell
You Toll My Knell

Your Pleasure
My Pain
I'm Hurt
Again

I Bare My Soul
You Dig A Hole
I Brace For Falls
To Scale Your Wall

And While I Climb
My Feet They Slip
I Lick My Wounds
My Gash I Grip

And Though Submissive
To My Fate
In Earnest Hope
For Thee I Wait..


- CRD

Sunday, 15 August 2010

WE WANT FREEDOM...


India celebrates her 63rd Independence Day today. On this very day, 63 years ago, our erstwhile British colonists left us and our neighbour to settle scores with each other. Our forefathers decided we had finally gotten our freedom on that day.

Our generation, however, feels we're still in chains. We have yet to get freedom. The oppressors might be in a different garb and form, but they're still very much there. We're still in bondage, but we live in denial.

Today's India wants FREEDOM...

from...

...poverty
...illiteracy
...casteism
...corruption
...rising costs
...high electricity bills
...border conflicts
...civil war
...cockroaches & flies
...diseases
...sweat & body-odour
...hairfall
...aging
...religious fanaticism
...racism
...regionalism
...reservations, hell yeah!!
...violence
...bed bugs
...traffic jams
...stadium-sized craters on roads
...India TV
...saas-bahu soap operas
...rona-dhona and bitching on 'reality' shows
...Kites, Milenge Milenge and Raavan
...Ram Gopal Varma
...bullying superiors
...pollution
...global warming
...paan and gutkha stains
...spam mail
...teleshopping network
...calls to download caller tunes
...sleazy and unaesthetic condom & contraceptive-pill ads
...holier-than-thou self-righteous creatures
...God TV, Aastha Channel, Miracle Network,...
...CID and ACP Pradhyuman
...Aahat and its dancing cameraman

While we dream of freedom, here's wishing you yet another

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!

Cheers
CRD

P.S. - Feel free to add to the list via your comments. It'd be interesting to know my readers' take

Sunday, 27 June 2010

WORLD CUP SPOILERS



The FIFA World Cup 2010, being played in South Africa, is already in its pre-quarter final stages. It's an event that happens once in four years, and obviously football lovers like me have been looking forward to it for a long long time.

It's usually blokes, whose favourite teams fail to win the cup, who look forward to the next world cup, hoping their team will kick ass the next time around. My then favourite team, Argentina, failed at the quarter-final stages then. This time though, Spain is my favourite team.

There are a lot of things that make world sport events like these a big hit with viewers. Watching players play for national pride, and fans cheering, and rivalries play out - both on and off the field - banners, flags, et al, these are what make World Cups special.

This World Cup, however, has a few things which I don't quite like - or rather, which I absolutely abhor. They've kinda played spoilsport with my football-fever.

Presenting, things from FIFA World Cup 2010, South Africa that get on my nerves:-

  1. The "Wavin Flag" Anthem - I just hate the song. Sounds less like a motivator, and more like as if a cranky kid is jeering at a grown-up. "When I get older, I'm gonna screw ya...I'm gonna kick yer ass, kick yer ass...!!" Bring on the Waka-Waka instead.

  2. The Jabulani - The football being used at this World Cup, called the "Jabulani", which in Zulu means "rejoice", is a huge dampener. Apparently, it's difficult to control, and is absolutely unpredictable, what with the bends it takes, and its speed. It kinda has a mind of its own. No wonder football geniuses look like drunk retards this time around.

  3. The Vuvuzelas - The "Ultimate" torture. Imagine a million mosquitoes buzzing around your ear, on a 'power-cut' night...This sounds worse than that. Apparently, it's an instrument that's played in churches in South Africa. The Churches there shouldn't be surprised if they see the number of parishioners dwindle over time. Blame the vuvuzelas. They're IRRITATING!!

  4. Weird Hairdos - Blonde-permed beards, braided locks, mohawks, half-moon patches, green hair...some players have em all. And they're not a pretty sight. Check out the Algerian squad, for instance. You'll know what I mean.

  5. EPL Duds - I'm a big fan of the English Premier League. I know a lot of players from there, and kinda follow their performances. So it's depressing to see how magicians within the league suddenly seem so amateurish on the world-stage. As we speak, the English team has crashed out of the World Cup, quite humbly. Whatever happened to stars like Rooney, Lampard, Gerrard, etc. Kinda reminds me...THE EPL clubs hardly have English players. Almost all of em are foreigners, with Englishmen only drafted in for training sessions.

  6. Dearth of Goals - This has been a pretty low-scoring World Cup. Don't count the 7-0 drubbing that Portugal meted out to North Korea - that was like India playing Nepal in cricket. But seriously, when you watch football, you really look forward to goals being scored, and that has been lacking this time.

  7. Diving Championship - This is a reason I hate sides like Portugal, Brazil, and most South-American sides. In spite of being rich in natural talent, they forget that they are footballers, and take to diving once every 5 seconds, just to win free-kicks and penalties.(Go check Cristiano Ronaldo's videos on youtube). The number of dives they put in in one match would put olympic board-divers to shame.

Anyway, got to get some sleep now, though I get that's gonna be a lil difficult now. Not only coz there's an Argentina-Mexico game coming up, but mainly coz I have a stomach infection that's getting a lil painful and uncomfortable. :( Hope I'm better by morning, coz I don't wanna miss office, lest I pile up a huge backlog.

Cheers
CRD

Friday, 18 June 2010

WHIMPER NO MORE...



When you'd ask to be walked, I'd beg for some time,
And reluctantly, but surely, take you for your walks

When you'd feel hungry and beg for a bite,
I'd pull off a chunk and give it to you

When you'd scratch shut doors and demand to be let in,
I'd gladly pull the door open for you


When you'd jump on my lap and growl like a cub,
I'd give you your daily leg massage

When you'd turn around and show me your back,
I'd scratch it for you

Whenever there was an argument and we all raised our voices,
You'd tug at our knees, and we'd shut up


When you'd jump on my bed, and ask for your space,
I'd share my pillow with you


Whenever it'd thunder, and you'd shiver, and whimper in fear,
I'd hold you close to make you feel safe

But there you were, struggling to stay alive
fighting death...creeping death,
and I could do nothing...
nothing at all...
Absolutely helpless..

Now, as you lie in your muddy grave,
completely at rest, at peace finally,
the heavens pour down, and the thunder is at its loudest.

But I know, you'll shiver no more,
nor will you whimper...

It's our turn to whimper now.

Miss You Rocky,
We Love You

Wish I could tell you one last time

Friday, 28 May 2010

FINDING MR.RIGHT...


She blew him a kiss and walked back towards us. I saw the love in his eyes as he saw her walk away.

They’d known each other for more than a year now. Everyone could see he loved her. But she was still in denial.

I whispered into her ear, “He loves you, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah”

“What about you, do you love him?”

“I dunno, I haven’t made my mind up yet”

“Why? What’s wrong? I thought you like him too”

“I do like him...but I need some time to think before I decide whether he’s Mr.Right or not.”

“How long does that usually take?”

“I dunno. But when I do, I’ll know it.”

Three months later, on Valentine’s, he sent her a huge bouquet. She gleamed as she took it from him and gave him a sweet little hug.

He had only recently gotten himself a new job. It wasn’t one that was very highly-paying, but it sure was decent.

I whispered to her again, “So, I guess you’ve made up your mind at last.”

“No I haven’t! For heaven’s sakes! You asked me only a few months back.”

“And you haven’t decided yet?”

“No...It’s a very important decision. How can I take such an important decision without thinking well about it”

“Guess you’re right”

A year later, I met them at a party. They never left each other’s side. They only had eyes for each other. They held hands throughout, and if I hadn’t to yell out loud to them, they’d probably never notice me.

I whispered to her, “Well???”

“Naw...I’m still thinking”

I didn’t pursue the matter any further and bade them both a goodbye.

Two weeks later, her facebook profile said she was “committed”

But the album, aptly titled “My engagement snaps” showed her with someone else.

When I met her, I whispered to her again, “So, how’d you meet him?”

“Met him almost two weeks ago. Our parents set us up. Guess what? He’s a green card holder!! I knew I’d find Mr.Right some day”


--- CRD

Now Playing : The Corrs - What Can I Do To Make You Love Me?

Monday, 17 May 2010

HAPPY 3rd ANNIVERSARY


SCRIPTED IN SANITY completed 3 years on the 16th of May, 2010.

I can't believe it's lasted so long :)

Cheers
CRD

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

SURVIVAL INSTINCT?


It was 4 in the noon...or early evening if you like. The bus wasn’t crowded, exactly as I’d expected – most offices in Mumbai leave at 6pm (on paper). I hopped onto the step-board casually, and strode in, fully-expecting a seat waiting for me. As fate would have it, there was one. Only, it was a ladies’ seat.

The day had been stressful so far – that morning, it had taken me almost 15 minutes to find directions to the office for my interview, and 10 more minutes to walk there. The wait at the bus-stop after the interview was a 20-minute ‘balance-shift-from-one-leg-to-another-and-back”, since there wasn’t any place to sit. So, when I saw the lone seat in the bus, and no standing female in sight, I instantly got seduced and made an athlete’s dash to it.

Three stops later, five people got into the bus, 4 men, and 1 slightly-plump, middle-aged woman. I immediately rose to my feet to award the seat to its rightful beneficiary, but I hadn’t even remotely foreseen what was to happen next.

As soon as I stood up, one of the men, a middle-aged portly man, with unkempt hair, a thick black-grey-white stubble, and unbuttoned shirt, pounced like a bloodhound towards the seat, like as if his life depended on it. He sat himself down with a sudden plonk, and immediately closed his eyes as if he had been stung by a sedating-syringe.

The woman reached the spot more than a hundred seconds later, the frown on her forehead and the scowl on her face clearly showing. She called out to the man, but he pretended like he didn’t hear her, only responding with a brushing of his nose, and a loud-and-clear yawn that would put Kumbhakaran to shame. She tapped on his shoulders for effect, but he only opened his eyes for a while to look at her, and then looked away with shut eyes and another yawn.

Before any self-proclaimed Good Samaritan could react and put the jerk in place, the woman took matters in her own hands and gave us all a demonstration of Woman-Power.

She tapped him harder on his shoulders, yanked him up by his arm, pointed to the “Ladies” sign, and sat herself down, to the utter horror and dismay of the jerk.

It was nice to see a woman who knew how to take care of herself, and assert herself.

Today’s women are absolutely independent, know their rights, and are willing to fight for them. They don’ take nonsense anymore. I looked the jerk in his face and scoffed at him, and congratulated the lady in my mind for her act of assertion.

Three stops later, a few more people entered the bus, which was now beginning to get crowded. One of them was a young, pregnant lady. People made way for her and she walked slowly and carefully towards the seats meant for ladies.

The middle-aged superwoman had noticed the lady board the bus. She looked up at the roof-panel above her head.

The sign placed there, which a few minutes ago only meant “reserved for ladies” for her, now read “reserved for carrying/pregnant women”.

In a split-second, she closed her eyes and pretended to be in deep slumber.

Cheers
CRD

P.S. - The pic has been taken from a blog written by a lady who absolutely hates teh fact that males plonk their asses on Ladies' seats :P. Stumbled upon this blog while searching for an apt photograph. Here's the URL - http://theladiesseat.blogspot.com/

Sunday, 4 April 2010

HER BEST FRIEND...


Sana and Reggie were classmates.

And they were best of friends.

Their friendship blossomed only in the middle of the academic year, when the two loners began sharing lunch and eventually benches. They were similar in almost all respects. Both hated speaking a lot, both were dreamers, both loved the simple things in life and didn't want too much from it.

And both loved to be with each other...

...until people started talking about them, and Reggie started getting conscious.

But Sana didn't mind the talking. She really liked Reggie a lot.

Reggie though, began to take Sana for granted.

In the month gone by, this was how days went and made her feel extremely upset.

•On day one, she saw him look upset, and asked him what was wrong, but he shrugged it off with a smile saying everything was okay.

•Being the last few days before they graduated and departed, she attended college only coz she didn't want to miss a day so that she could spend more time with him. But on day five, he told her how much he hated having to come to college every day. This made her upset.

•In week 2, she won an inter-collegiate contest, and the world called and messaged to wish her. Even people who weren't really her friends, and who hardly ever talked to her otherwise congratulated her. But he didn't. It was almost like he didn't have a clue at all. She felt hurt and unimportant.

•The next day, she had some good news that she didn't want to share with anyone else except him. She imagined how happy he would be to hear it from her mouth. But he didn't turn up that day. Her enthusiasm fizzled out

•Two days later, he finally came to college. She was seeing him after what seemed like ages. He was looking kinda cute that day. She wanted to tell him how handsome he looked, but chose not to, coz she was scared about how he'd react. It can be quite painful to keep things to yourself sometimes.

•As they left to go home, she saw him walk dejectedly out of the campus gates. She called out to him, more than a dozen times. She even ran out behind him and walked a few steps beside him, but he didn't notice her at all. She felt hurt and walked away

•The whole of next week, he didn’t attend college, simply coz ‘he was feeling lazy'. She called him up after a week, just to hear his voice, but his voice on the phone didn't sound the least happy

•On the seventh evening, he promised her that he would be coming the next day. She shooed off others who came to sit beside her, only to reserve a seat for him, and waited eagerly. 30 minutes into the lecture he messaged saying that he wasn't gonna come, and so she had to sit all alone for the rest of the day

•She gets terribly upset every time she thinks about him. Coz while she thinks of him as her best friend, and perhaps even more than that, she has no clue about what she means to him. Sometimes she 'knows' she means nothing to him at all...

It's very upsetting when someone is the world to you, but you don't feel as important to that person.

Saturday, 27 March 2010

JERKS!!


I stood on the platform, wiping the sweat off my brows, my neck, and my newly-shaved pate. The indicator which said 9:02 ST just a minute ago, suddenly blanked out. When it came back to life a minute later, it said 9:10 ST. I cursed under my breath – Central Railway never gives up cancelling trains. The announcement system blurted out something that sounded like Chinese mumbo-jumbo. I guessed it was about the godforsaken cancellation.


Train cancellations in Mumbai are a pain. Not only because your time management goes for a toss, but also because late and cancelled trains mean extra-crowded trains and thereby wastage of laundry expenses in a matter of seconds.


They were three of them. All of them had their shirts un-tucked and unbuttoned to the third button, had thick golden disco-chains adorning t heir necks, and wore thick ‘kadaas’ on their wrists. Two were short and stocky, while the third was super-slim and tall. All were in their early 30’s.


The 9:10 train arrived right on time, at 9:15 to be precise. As the train began screeching to a halt right in front of our eyes, the 3 of them raised their hands to touch the side of the engine, as if it were a deity. As part of their strategy, they kept their hands raised for a little longer, even after they had their touch, coz they knew the ladies’ compartment was what would arrive right after the engine.

2 of them managed to brush shoulders. But the tall one landed a bulls-eye. He smiled at the others vindictively. They sniggered in appreciation and waited for the train to halt.

No sooner had it halted than they started shoving, yelling and cussing in their mission to get in. They stepped in and landed knees and ‘el-blows’ on unsuspecting people. They had to get right in, to their brothers who were waiting for them. I followed them in after a mini-combat of my own. And I saw their brethren. A whole dozen of them, sitting comfortably – just 3 on a seat as opposed to others adjusting with 4 on 1. They didn’t let anyone occupy the ‘gully’ between the seats where they were sitting. A few poor chaps who tried were welcomed with a few choicest words. Luckier ones managed to get away with threatening pushes.

This was the Brotherhood’s den.

The 3 joined them.

Then they all started pulling out their weapons.

5 minutes later, when they were all ready to fire, they started in tandem….

Clang-Clang…..Clang-Clang-Clang….Clang-Clang-Clang….
“Raam Krishna Harey!!!...Raam Krishna Harey!!!........”


How I hate dholaks and manjeerays because of the jerks who wield them.

NOT AS IMPORTANT...

It's very upsetting when someone is the world to you, but you feel you're not as important to that someone...

Monday, 1 March 2010

UNHOLY WAR...

The place would be thronging with people in some time. He knew it well. He smacked his lips in anticipation. The larger the crowd, the bigger the body count. The chances of missing your shots also reduced significantly when the number of potential targets was large. He stayed put behind the bushes. He knew there might be others like him around, but he hoped no one else would come calling to share space - so what if there was enough space for three?
Hunters don't like sharing their spoils.

A minute later, a lone young lady came walking out of the building lobby, dressed in executive formals, all decked up, leather bag in tow. She seemed to be looking around suspiciously, as if she had a cue on what the plan was - his plan...

She was now just a few metres away from his den. He couldn't miss from here.

He felt his weapon again. It felt awesome. A sniper rifle. Brand new, smooth, well-finished.
And most importantly....fully loaded.

He pulled it out, trained it on his target, watched through the telescopic sight, and caught the moving image of the lady at the centre of the cross-hairs.

And then, when he was sure she was a goner, he pulled the trigger.

"AAHHHH...!!!"

She clutched her soaking-wet, blood-red blouse.

"YOU DIRTY PIG!!! I'LL TELL YOUR MOM ABOUT THIS!!!"

"BURA NA MAANO, HOLI HAI!!!", he screamed, and scampered off, deep into the garden.

















Wish we had one of these colored-water spewing guns when we were young. Kids today have water guns resembling Sniper Rifles, AK-47's and Kalashnikovs.
HAPPY HOLI!!! Please keep it Holy :P






Sunday, 14 February 2010

THEM LANGURS


The Jungle could be a jungle from anywhere. It was typical. It had a variety of animals, lots of trees, and a pond from which all creatures drank.

The Lion, who was the King of the Jungle let everyone do as they pleased.

The Langurs were the real "Kings". They always moved around in groups, spreading chaos, and basically being what all langurs tried hard to be, a real pain.

Some Storks, Cranes, Ducks, and other birds went close to the pond to have a drink. A few Crocs, laying low in the shallow water, close to the marshes, waiting for prey, took advantage of the situation, snapped at them and crushed many of them with their mighty jaws. Atleast 20 birds died.

The Langurs sitting on top of the trees on the marshes saw what had happened. Being who they were, they were upset that another menace was hogging their limelight. So they passed a dictum saying that no one in the jungle should ever venture near the pond, and that no one from the pond should ever be allowed to step on forest land.

The Langurs kept a watch. Turtles and frogs were turned away, some were pelted with stones, while an unlucky few were killed.

King Kong, even though he was an ape himself, was quite rational and reasonable. He felt that it was unfair for all the other creatures of the pond to be discriminated against, simply because a few crocs were a nuisance. He wanted all creatures to be allowed to move around as they liked, as the Lion King had wanted, since they were all part of the ecology of the region.

This angered the Langurs. They decided that King Kong would not be allowed to eat of any fruit in the Jungle. They issued another dictum, that the birds should stop King Kong from eating any fruit, and if he did, they should drive him away, or report the matter.

The Langurs said that King Kong would not be allowed to eat, unless he APOLOGISED to the poor, hapless, victimised birds, and for HURTING their SENTIMENTS.

Ironically, all those poor, hapless, victimised birds who entertained King Kong were victimised by the Langurs themselves. They disturbed their nests, dropped their eggs, and broke the branches of the trees they lived in.

But they didn't care to apologise for their own actions. There was no regret or remorse.

But the Birds still support King Kong.
The public is with King Khan.

Down with the Langurs!!!

P.S. - Sorry all ye SRK fans, I really do think he acts like a Monkey :P.
To the Langurs in the story - No Apologies.
To the real langurs in the Animal kingdom - I'm REALLY Sorry for the Insult!

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

RANDOM RAMBLINGS - HUMAN NATURE


It's another day-off.

A really unwanted day-off, much like all the others declared by our institute in this 4th and final semester, owing to non-availability of faculty. For the information of new visitors, I'm pursuing an M.M.S. (Mumbai University's fancy jargonesque term for a course ala an MBA, called the Master of Management Studies) in Finance from XIMR, Mumbai. I must admit, the 3rd semester was hell, and we always wished we had days off - anyone would, if they had lectures and workshops scheduled for 12 hours a day, seven days a week.

But now, things are different. We hardly have anything happening. If we do have anything scheduled, it's only for 3 hours, and then we're on our way home. No more sitting together, whining about the torture we're being subjected to, no more pass-it-around lunch sessions, no more candid rendezvous with buddies. We hardly get to talk anymore. Hardly 50% of us turn up. In fact, had it not been for the 50% compulsory attendance requirements, a lot of my buddies confess they'd never return to the institute at all. It's upsetting. And the worst thing is that it seems it's only me who's upset about it. The others don't seem to give a hoot. I understand that everyone's here to get their degrees and make careers for themselves. But hey, we've spent close to two years together, can you snap all ties just like that? Hell, we're still humans aren't we? Or are we ‘Managers’ already? It's depressing.

I've been spending these days trying to read up on stuff. I've also been watching a lot of movies lately - old and new alike.

Watched a really weird movie last evening. Its a Stanley Kubrick (of ‘Space Odyssey’ and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ fame) classic from 1971 called ‘A Clockwork Orange’. It talks about how difficult it is to change someone's inherent nature, and how dangerous it can be if we tried. The protagonist, Alex, is a hooligan, who, along with his three gang-mates, indulges in 'Ultraviolence' - loot, vandalism and rape - at will. He eventually gets arrested and sentenced for murder, but becomes a subject for an experiment that seeks to change a violent person by administering a serum and certain procedures such that trigger reactions in his mind that make him feel nauseous whenever he tries doing something wrong. Although he stops doing the wrong things, the fact is that he's stopped only because he has no choice - its more survival-instinct and self-interest, than a change from within. The evil within him is only being suppressed, but it's still very much there.

Great idea. The movie got me thinking. I really want to watch all of Kubrick's movies now, or at least read the books on which his movies are based. Get hold of the movie and watch it, if you will, but make sure you don't watch it with your folks, coz trust me, you'll find yourselves cringing in embarrassment and shock - yeah, lots of uncomforting scenes.

Another thought - ever wondered how we suddenly develop sympathies for otherwise-terrible people when we see them do one good deed? On the other hand, honestly consider the quantum of hatred we have for a do-gooder who one day commits one bad mistake, or does something you could never imagine him doing. Doesn't the sympathy for the bad guy surpass the hatred for the good one by light years?

What's the Psychological term for this? Calling all Psychology students...

Cheers
CRD

Thursday, 28 January 2010

NOT SWEET ENOUGH...


Sly paddled his arms and legs as fast as he could. The piercing pain in his abdomen had now been replaced by a stiff numbness. He somehow felt he still had a chance to save himself, if only he could find a way to get out of the water. The nearest surface right now was the bottom of the river he was in, the second- nearest surface was just a few metres ahead of him, but it was a good 50 feet above the river-level. He had fallen off a cliff.

Up on the edge of the cliff, Curt watched him struggle. He tried hard to think, but nothing came to his mind. It was almost as if he was too shocked to react. Beads of sweat nestled between the ridges of his anxious forehead, threatening to avalanche down any moment. Sly was still alive - there was still some hope. He had to do something - real quick.

Finally gathering himself, he ran to the SUV, and pulled a long rope and a spare tyre from the bonnet. He quickly began tying the rope to the tyre, to create a make-shift float. Even from here he could still hear the water splashing below - a sign of life. Within a few seconds he was ready with his lifeline, and he quickly made it back to the spot.

"Hold onto this!!!", he shouted out, hoping that Sly had heard him, and he dropped the lifeline into the river below. He felt something tug at the rope - Sly had found it. The next moment, the tension on the rope was 10-times, or maybe 30-times - he couldn't tell. All he knew was that he had to pull it up with all his might. And he pulled.

Three minutes of pulling, and Sly was on the cliff again. He lay on the ground, tired, and breathing heavily. His abdomen was bleeding, and his guts were beginning to spill out. But he still had hope - he was still breathing.

So Curt pulled out his pistol and shot him again, this time in the head, just to make sure he wouldn't survive.

The now-brainless body lay motionless after a few jerks. Curt stood above it, with his eyes closed and arms stretched out, waiting for the feeling of retribution to overcome him.

But nothing happened.

When he opened his eyes a minute later, he saw Sly's spirit emerge from the heap of flesh, blood and gooey stuff, and stare at him. It grinned at him, as if promising to get back. And then, it flew out into the woods.

Curt, stood right there, confused. He wasn't the least scared. He started thinking again.

Two minutes later, when he had made up his mind, he aimed the pistol at his own head and pulled the trigger.

Within seconds of his body finally lying still, his spirit rushed out, and flew out in the direction Sly's spirit had taken.

Revenge is sweet. But sometimes it ain't sweet enough if you've been wronged so much, that no amount of vengeance can get rid of the pain.

Now Playing : "Whitesnake - Judgment Day"

Sunday, 17 January 2010

THE ANGEL AND THE PAUPER - REQUIEM


A Sequel to THE ANGEL AND THE PAUPER <---Click to read
Almost seven moons had passed now. The Pauper hadn't seen or heard from her since she smiled and waved a bye to him. He had waited patiently - just for a mere glance, or even a faint echo of her flapping wings.

But he hadn't had any of it ever since.

Today was the feast of the Mighty One. The entire universe would be chanting the Mighty One's name. They'd all be dressed in their very best. Everyone would greet each other and exchange goodies, and hugs. Love and peace would be all around. Everyone would join in.

So would the angels.

And he knew it. So he waited eagerly.

But she didn't come.

He began to get worried. So he wrote a small hello on a piece of rag that he tore from his clothing, and tied it by a string to the leg of a dove that he managed to catch. He kissed the dove, whispered the name of his angel to it, and sent it soaring up into the sky, hoping that his angel would find it and come back, or at least send a message back with the dove.

And he waited.

But all he did was wait. And the wait was painful. He waited till the day almost came to a close.

And then he found them.

The dove lay motionless on the ground a few metres away from the place he first met his Angel. Its eyelids were shut, its feathers ravaged and scattered, its claws curled tight, and its neck wrung backwards. The message was still tied to its leg, and it seemed that it hadn't been read at all.

Next to the dove, lay something even more broken. It was savagely smashed, punctured brutally, and was absolutely dry and withering.

It was a heart...

The Pauper stared into the distance. shell-shocked to react.

That's when he saw her, at a distance, flying away. She hadn't even cared to look at him. She didn't even wait to mock at him or spit in his face.

Eventually, a tear trickled down his left eye. And then the right one. And then they came pouring down. And finally he wailed out into the lonely night.

He wailed till the sun rose in the horizon.

And then, when he was done, the pauper resigned to his fate.

He should've known that LOVE was FORBIDDEN for unfortunate ones like himself.

He tore out another patch from the little clothing that he had, and used it to sew the heart back into one piece. And then he put it back where he knew it belonged.

And he hoped it would beat again.


Now playing : Bombay Vikings - Kahan Ho Tum

Kahaan Ho Tum? Mujhe Batao,
Zara Kareeb Se Pukaaro,
Kahaan Kahaan Dhundoo Tumko?
Main Awaara Dar-Badar,
Nazar Na Aaye Tum Magar,
Chup Gaye Ho Tum Kahaan, Ho Tum Kidhar?

Ab Toh Dil Hai Darta Sehraa, Dariya Aakhon Ki Namee,
Yaadon Ka Laga Hai Pehraa Har Kahin,
Jaana, Tumse Tha Jo Raushan Mera Pyar Pe Yakeen,
Goom Hai Kahaan? Kal Tak Toh Tha Yaheen?
Oh Humnasheen...

Tumhi Ne Toh Kahaa Tha Mujhse,
"Subah Nayee Toh Aayegi",
Isi Ummeed Ke Sahaare,
Kar Raha Hu Rehguzar,
Kaho Kahaan Ho, Humsafar?
Chup Gaye Ho Tum Kahaan, Ho Tum Kidhar?

Ab Toh Dil Hai Darta Sehraa, Dariya Aakhon Ki Namee,
Yaadon Ka Laga Hai Pehraa Har Kahin,
Jaana, Tumse Tha Jo Raushan Mera Pyar Pe Yakeen,
Goom Hai Kahaan? Kal Tak Toh Tha Yaheen?
Oh Humnasheen...

Mujhe Aawaaz Do,
Mere Khwaabon Ke Sahaaron,
Phir Se Aawaaz Do,
Kahaan Ho Tum, Pukaaro...
Oh...
Mere Khwaabon Ke Sahaaron...
Oh...
Mujhe Tum Pukaaro

Tumse Tha Jo Raushan Mera Pyar Pe Yakeen,
Goom Hai Kahaan? Kal Tak Toh Tha Yaheen..

Ab Toh Dil Hai Darta Sehraa, Dariya Aakhon Ki Namee,
Yaadon Ka Laga Hai Pehraa Har Kahin,
Jaana, Tumse Tha Jo Raushan Mera Pyar Pe Yakeen,
Goom Hai Kahaan? Kal Tak Toh Tha Yaheen?
HUMNASHEEN.....

Friday, 1 January 2010

RESOLUTIONS OF THE FAMOUS


The New Year Has come. Most people (except for losers like me...LOSERS RULE!!!) prefer bringing in the New Year partying the night away with friends, or random strangers even. Some like to cuddle with their sweethearts. Owners of lonely hearts might want to gaze up at the stars and the moon in the sky. Busy ones would prefer enjoying their once-a-year peaceful 8-hours plus of uninterrupted sleep (provided the folks in the neighborhood aren't too obsessed about fireworks). But almost everyone has 'New Year' resolutions. Of course, not many would like to admit it, for feared of being labelled as wusses who need to plan everything in life.

I'd made a few resolutions the last time around. Current status, you ask? Screwed up almost all of em. Didn't lose weight, am still an emotional fool, and I still can't dance or play the guitar. But I did manage to better my blogging average, to a little more than 2 posts a month, in spite of the gruelling course. Its simple..the more pissed or upset you are, the more you blog. Do I see heads nodding in approval already?

Up until the last year, I always had something to post about my New-Year Resolutions. This time around though, I think I'll keep em to myself. But here's a list of Resolutions of some famous personalities. These are just rumours, so keep em to yourselves, and if you can't, then keep the author's name to yourselves...

Here goes:

1. Himesh Reshammiya - I will restrict my acting skills only to stage shows and reality shows.

2. L.K.Advani - I will prove it to them that I still have a few years to go before retirement. Abhi toh main jawaan hoon...

3. Raj Thakeray - I will keep track of all Migrants to give them Grand Welcomes. Also, I will keep track of all late-night western-themed parties for the same reason.

4. Uddhav Thakeray - I will strive to gain access to all that info before Raj does.

5. Suresh Kalmadi - I will make the Common Wealth Games in Delhi a reality...in 2010. Oops...it's already here?? OMG!

6. Robin Uthappa and Dinesh Karthik - We will feature in more games than sub-standard ads.

7. Tiger Woods - I will concentrate strictly on golf holes, and keep my balls on the right courses.

8. Shiney Ahuja - I will convince my on-screen heroines than I'm not as bad in REEL life.

9. Tanaaz and Bakhtiyar Irani, Delnaz Irani, Rakhi Sawant, Bobby Darling, etc etc - We will not do any more reality shows (Now this one's definitely just a rumour)

10. All Miss-India's - We will not enter Bollywood, ever! (And so is this one!)

11. Uday Chopra - I Will stop acting in movies

12. Audiences - We will make sure he keeps his word

13. TV Producers - We will completely stop making saas-bahu serials...Laughter shows are the in-thing as far as torture goes today.

14. Elesh (of Rakhi Sawant ka swayamwar fame) - I will pray to 'Jee-juss' that I get married this year

15. Indian Politicians - We will wash our feet before putting them in our own mouths the next time.

16. Aamir Khan - I've had enough of roles as 21-year olds. I will play a 22-year old henceforth.

17. Doomsayers - We will let the world know that the end comes in 2012.

18. God - (without even looking, in true babu-style) - 2012?? Huh..baad mein aana...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Cheers
CRD

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