Friday 1 July 2022

TWO MINUTES

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 29; the 29th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'TWO MINUTES'.

This post won the GOLD batom (1st position)




Butch Arnold felt his face for signs of stubble. It never felt smoother. He couldn't remember the last time he had shaved. It felt good, but only momentarily. In less than an hour it'd all go to waste. He was to die at the gallows today.

He leaned against the dirty wall of his cell, eyes fixed on the floor. He thought about how life, as he knew it, was going to end without him having accomplished his goal. How close he had gotten. He thought about how those darned detectives had gotten the better of him, just before he could have completed a milestone. What a shame! His mind dwelled upon his diary, and his eyes turned moist. He didn't notice the sound of quiet footfalls nearing his cell.

The guard stopped right in front of the door. "Dead man thinking, eh!!" he sniggered, careful not to graduate to full-fetched guffaws.

Butch raised his head. "Are we ready to go?"

"I hate to ask, it really doesn't matter much to me...", the guard stifled a smile, "...but I have to ask you something before we send you packing."

"Sure, go ahead", said Butch, eyes now fixed on the ceiling as if looking towards the heavens.

"Uhm, okay", the guard let out a long-drawn yawn that seemed to echo through the corridors of the prison. When he was done, he cracked his fingers, placed both hands behind his head and asked uninterestedly, "Any last wishes?"

Butch's face hardened. His mind immediately drifted towards something. He stood up, dusted his pants, wiped the sweat off his brow and said, "I want five minutes alone with my DIARY and a watch."

The guard suddenly froze. The wretched DIARY. The very thought of it made his stomach clench and sent a sudden shiver down his spine.

"I don't think I can do that. I can give you the watch and five minutes though."

"Whatever happened to kind gestures to a dying man?"

"Ask for something else."

"Nothing but my DIARY!!"

"I can't."

"You shouldn't have asked then!!!", Butch thundered back, his hands clenching the metal bars separating them. His eyes were bloodshot and his voice commanding. The guard was taken aback at the vulgar display of temper.

"Hey, alright...alright...relax...I'll see what I can do." The guard quickly turned around, leaving the prisoner alone once again. A faint smile returned to Butch's lips, probably for the first time since the dream he had the night before. He sat himself down, closed his eyes and waited.

About fifteen minutes later, the guard returned with a heavy book and a digital clock. He passed it through the bars. "Here you are my friend. It's 8.46 AM now. Five minutes then?"

"Alone", said Butch, this time calmly.

"Of course", said the guard, already turning away.

Butch sat down. He gently placed his diary on his lap. He ran his fingers over the cover. Legend was rife that Butch's diary was covered with human skin. The thought amused him. Only he knew that wasn't completely true.

He flipped the book open. It had initials. Each initial had a serial number as a prefix and a date for a suffix.

His eyes scanned through all the entries. It took him barely over a minute to reach the last entry.

'Sr.no. 99 - T.S. - 13th December 2010'

Tracy Scholes, he remembered vividly. He smiled as he recollected the look on her face as she lay dying.

The next entry...
'Sr.no.100 - blank'

He closed the book and his eyes, almost in perfect harmony. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't remain stranded on 99. There was only one way Butch Arnolds was gonna go down in history.

He opened his eyes again. He turned the book on its side and used his nails to scoop out the hidden cabinet it concealed. He opened it and yanked out a device with a pen at one end and a small knife at the other.

Carefully, he made the 100th entry in his diary.

'Sr.no.100 - B.A. - 23rd June 2012'

He looked at the watch. It was 8:49 AM. The guard would be back in two minutes. In two minutes he'd be walking towards the end of his journey. But he wouldn't be going with regrets. He was glad he'd found a way to accomplish his mission on earth. He'd go with a smile. Just two minutes, and he'll be done. He sat down in a corner of the cell, with his back to the cell's door. He then picked up the weapon and held it under his chin.

Just then, the guard came back. "Butch Arnolds, five minutes up?"

Butch yelled out without turning back, "You promised me five minutes! I have two minutes left!"

"Oh no you don't", said the guard, still struggling with his keys. "I'm sorry, but you're scheduled to hang at 8.55 AM. I'll have to get you going right away."

The prisoner didn't move. "Very well Mister Ashley. Let's go."

"It's Astley...Brad Astley.", he said with a wry smile, completely oblivious to what was about to transpire in the next few moments.

TWO MINUTES...to be precise.



The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

 

Friday 31 December 2021

LADY OF THE GARDEN (GARDEN OF LOVE)










She's Picked Her Seeds, She Knows Her Soil

She Nurtures With Ample Watering

No Heartbreak's Ever Kept Her Down

She Really Knows Her Gardening


The "Thistles" Ne'er Escape Her Eye

The "Weeds" Receive No Pardoning

She Knows The Need For Hardening Off

Indeed...She Knows Her Gardening

Sunday 3 May 2020

EXTRA-TERRACE-TRIAL

This episode will have certain references to Episode 18 - Daily Report and Episode 19 - Saturday Night

Anshuman lay in his bed, unwilling to even shift sides. Last night had been one of great fun with his friends. They spent three...or maybe four hours (he couldn't quite remember) drinking, smoking and talking (or bitching) about things...and of course, people.

Their discussions had started around largely civil topics, such as the coronavirus and the Government's policies. But very quickly, they escalated to fellow-residents, colleagues and bosses and women. Anshuman also vaguely remembered sharing his boss Lata's Instagram page with his friends - he couldn't, however, remember whether or not they were impressed with what they saw. By the time they had finished, Anshuman had been too wasted to realise that he had forgotten to lock the terrace - Pedro had to come to his rescue.

But this was a Sunday morning, so he wouldn't have to worry about waking up early. He checked the time on his smartphone - it was only around 11:30 am. He could easily stay in bed for another hour, and wake up just in time for lunch...lunch that would be prepared and delivered by Parekh Aunty downstairs.

Today was his well-earned rest day.

Or so he thought!

His moment of peace was disturbed when his phone rang - it was Ajju.

"Hello?" Anshuman's voice betrayed the sleep in his eyes.

"Where the fuck were you? We've been trying to call you since four hours!" Ajju was clearly agitated.

"We?"

"Me...Pedro...Anky...Raju...remember we met last night?"

"Hey...cut the sarcasm man! You're sounding like my boss now! Tell me what happened!"

"Check your whatsapp messages...right now!"

"Will you..." Ajju hung up before Anshuman could finish his sentence.

Anshuman checked his messages - there was a deluge. Many of them were forwards of the same video message - a video message by the local MLA. He clicked it and listened attentively.

Namaskaar. I am your humble servant Chandulal Bhigona. As of 11 pm on 25th April, there have been twelve new COVID-positive cases in our area, and three patients have died. With this, the total number of active COVID 19 cases in our area has touched 63. We should all be very very concerned.

As you all know, I had promised to introduce stringent measures to enforce strict implementation of the lockdown. Accordingly, since the past two days, we have been conducting aerial surveillance of our area with the help of drones. We found locals - youngsters and elders alike, roaming freely in the Hanuman Nagar and Thakurgaon areas, and that too without masks. They started running indoors as soon as they heard our drones hover above them. 

Our drone also captured images of people gathering together in crowds on building terraces. There were children cycling, youngsters playing card games and adults having elaborate tea parties. This complete disregard of social distancing rules is really irresponsible and shocking, and if this does not stop soon, strict action will be taken.

I must also point out one building in particular. Till about 6 pm in the evening, our drones got visuals of kids running around and cycling on the terrace. About exactly 6 pm, three men came and drove away the kids, before settling down for a drinks party. Exactly an hour later, these three men made way for a group of five who then had a smoke and drink party of their own, with loud music playing in the background. One of them got drunk and began impersonating yours truly.

I this opportunity to warn all of these rule-breakers to mend their ways, or else we have all the evidence required to enforce action against you.

Stay home. Stay safe. Jai Hind.


Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread


Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light

Episode 13 - Musical Masti

Episode 14 - Night Riders

Episode 15 - Order Order

Episode 16 - Papa the Great

Episode 17 - Quarantine

Episode 18 - Daily Report

Episode 19 - Saturday Night

SATURDAY NIGHT

This episode will have certain references to Episode 18 - Daily Report


Anshuman lay down in bed after having his dinner. The day had progressed quite well, except for a few low points here and there.

After having clocked in his eight hours at work at the bank, he was back home by 6 pm, all thanks to the deserted roads. After a quick bath and his evening 'chai-biskoot', he called up his friends from the colony - Rajesh, Ankur, Peter and Ajay (or Raju, Anky, Pedro and Ajju, respectively) for a get-together on the terrace. This used to be something they religiously did at Anshuman's house every other Saturday evening, before the lockdown. Although behind closed doors, Anshuman's get-togethers were notorious for having it all - the cacophony of loud EDM music playing in the background, booze flowing like a river and the smoky haze of a dozen packs of cigarettes. On special occasions there would even be a few joints doing the rounds.

Since tonight was one of those Saturday Nights, Anshuman was in the mood to let his hair down. He had assigned roles for everyone - Raju would be fetching the smokes and ashtray, Anky would get the glasses and a few bottles of soda, Pedro would fetch the beer bottles and Ajju would bring along his portable MP3 player and a bottle of Scotch whiskey from his private bar. Anshuman, as always, would arrange for the venue, an ice box, deep fried papad and paper napkins. Only the resourceful knew how and where to get what they needed - and this was certainly a resourceful gang.

Now that he had already laid down rules for the use of the building terrace, he was fairly certain that it would be cleared out by 7 pm. Yet, just to make sure the coast was absolutely clear, he asked his friends to gather only at 7:30 pm.

Meanwhile, he had to make sure the terrace was clean in all respects - there was to be no clutter, no garbage and absolutely no humans.

So he picked up his phone and called up his Man Friday. The call was received after the very first ring.

"Hello?"

"Jee Saheb! Good Evening!"

"Good evening Madhav. Any updates?"

"No Saheb! All's Well Saheb!"

"Where are you? On the terrace?"

"Uhh...Yes Saheb..." Madhav gulped, "How did you....how did you know Saheb?" He looked around to check if he was being watched.

"Because I had asked you to make sure the terrace was cleared off every evening at 7?"

"Oh yes Saheb...that's exactly what I was doing."

"So it's clear, right?" Anshuman began changing into a fresh T-shirt.

"NO...NO Saheb!" Madhav panicked, "Another ten minutes please? We're still cleaning."

"We?" Anshuman's tone changed, "Who's with you?"

"Uhh....Uhh...cleaners Saheb...I brought a couple of cleaners along."

"Cleaners?" Anshuman was annoyed, "Who asked you to hire cleaners? Whom did you speak with about this?"

"No Saheb...I just thought I'd get some helping hands. Don't worry Saheb, you won't have to pay a dime."

"Hell I will!" Anshuman smirked, "You hired them...you pay if you have to."

"Yes Saheb."

"Ten minutes only, okay? I want the place absolutely clean!"

"Sure thing Saheb!"

Anshuman hung up. He was really looking forward to a great evening. Of course, this was not going to be better than being in bed with someone, but it certainly came a close second. After all, as Anshuman and his friends always swore unconvincingly - "Bros over hoes...always!"

At exactly 7:20 pm, Anshuman reached the door of the terrace, only to find Gardener Madhav and a couple of men rushing out with huge bags. As soon as their eyes met, there was awkward silence.

"Good evening Saheb", Madhav broke the silence, "Home early tonight?"

"Yeah...you have a problem with that?"

"No no Saheb", Madhav laughed, "Why would I have a problem with..."

"Has everything been cleared?" Anshuman cut him off.

"Yes Saheb....come and see for yourself."

"What's in those bags?" Anshuman pointed out to the bags in Madhav's friends' hands.

"Just garbage Saheb."

"Hmm...off you go now...good night!"

"Good night Saheb."

"Keys?"

"Huh?" Madhav was confused.

"Terrace keys!" Anshuman barked, "Are you drunk?"

"Drunk? No Saheb! Me? Drunk?" Madhav started smiling sheepishly as he dropped the keys in Anshuman's hand.

Anshuman pocketed the keys and steeped out onto the terrace. Everything was exactly the way he wanted it - there was no garbage, there were no people and there was a small rectangular wooden coffee table in a corner, with six plastic chairs around it.

To Anshuman's surprise, there were two sealed bottles of soda under the coffee table. Someone must have left them there.

"Madhav! Are you still there?" Anshuman shouted and waited for a response. There was none.

"Perfect!" he declared as he waited for his friends to trickle in one by one.

*Chai-biskoot - A Indian term referring to evening 'chai tea' with biscuits.
*Saheb - A term used by some people in India to refer to people in a position of authority, like the English 'Sir'.
*Papad - A fairly large poppadom 


Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread

Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light

Episode 13 - Musical Masti

Episode 14 - Night Riders

Episode 15 - Order Order

Episode 16 - Papa the Great

Episode 17 - Quarantine

Episode 18 - Daily Report

Wednesday 29 April 2020

DAILY REPORT

This episode will have certain references to Episode 12 - Let There Be Light


Anshuman usually got ready to leave for work by 8 am. Today wasn't any different. As per his instructions, as soon as he stepped out of the elevator, Gardener Madhav was ready to greet him with all the information he needed - which member did what...who said what...who was sitting in the garden with whom...and sometimes some non-juicy official updates.

"Saheb, have you ever seen our local MLA's Whatsapp video messages?"

"Our MLA sends you Whatsapp videos?" Anshuman looked Madhav up and down in astonishment.

"Arre nahin Saheb...he makes these video messages and forwards them...these are them circulated across multiple Whatsapp groups. Here, watch this one."

Anshuman took Madhav's phone in his hand. He looked Madhav up and down once again, because it was a high-end smartphone.

He dabbed the play button.

Namaskaar. I am your humble servant Chandulal Bhigona. As of 9 pm on 20th April, there have been four new COVID-positive cases in our area, and one patient has died. With that, the total number of active COVID 19 cases in our area has touched 38. This is very sad news indeed.

In the coming days, we will be taking some stringent measures to stop the rise in the number of cases. I request all of you to maintain social distancing. Please do not spread rumours, strict action will be taken against rumour-mongers.

Stay home. Stay safe. Jai Hind.

Madhav could see that Anshuman was super-impressed, "So, what do you think Sahab?"

"This is good. Can you forward it to me?"

"Certainly Saheb. Not just this, I will also forward you some interesting messages about how Coronavirus can be cured."

"Hmm."

"Have a good day Saheb", Madhav bowed down as Anshuman went on his way.

Later that evening, Gardener Madhav received a Whatsapp message on his phone. He was surprised to see that it was a video message from Anshuman. Before it could get downloaded, he ran towards Security Guard Gopinath.

"Hey Gopi...Saheb has sent me a video message...look!"

"I got it too...have you watched it yet?

"Nope...let's do it together."

They played the video. The backdrop suggested that Anshuman had probably recorded it while sitting in his office cubicle.

Namaskaar. I am the Secretary of Bright Minds Co-operative Housing Society. I hope all of you are safe in your respective homes.

Mr. M.V. Raghav, I would like to thank you for your letter dated 6th April 2020. As you know, I always welcome feedback. However, I would also like to point out that you need to keep your windows shut whenever you have a fight with your wife. The noise emanating from your house is disturbing the peace in the neighborhood.

I would like to advise other residents, especially the Senguptas, the Shindes and the Chaturvedis not to indulge in slanderous and sarcastic loose talk about the Managing Committee and the Respected Secretary.

Finally, I know that all of you members might be frustrated after being forced to spend all your time indoors. I am pleased to announce that from tomorrow morning onwards, members can use the building terrace for activities such as walking, jogging, cycling, kite flying, card games, carrom and even for other small games. You can even use it for small tea parties. However, you are requested to vacate the terrace by 7pm for the sake of my privacy...erm...for security reasons.
Jai Hind.


Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread

Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light

Episode 13 - Musical Masti

Episode 14 - Night Riders

Episode 15 - Order Order

Episode 16 - Papa the Great

Episode 17 - Quarantine

Sunday 26 April 2020

QUARANTINE



This episode is in continuation of Episode 13 - Musical Masti and Episode 14 - Night Riders


It was about 10 pm on a sultry Saturday night; Anshuman had just finished his dinner. He picked up his phone and visited a few Instagram pages, including Lata's. He spent more than an hour catching glimpses of some scintillating images and ogled at them to his heart's content. He thanked his luck that he was living in the 21st century.

When he was convinced that nothing else was gonna excite him any more, he dialed Kavita's number. She didn't take the call until the fifth ring.

"Hi beautiful", he said in a tone that sounded cringy.

"Hi Anshu...how was your day?"

"You know...the usual...get back home from the bank...spend some time on calls discussing matters regarding the housing society...daily chores..."

"And Instagram...", she chuckled.

"You're wicked, that's what you are", he laughed, "Did you know that 10 people tested positive for COVID 19 in our area today?"

"Ten people? That's insane."

"Yeah...so far there have been about 28 cases in our area."

"Oh God", Kavita made her concern quite apparent, "Please be safe Jaanu."

"You stay safe too sweetheart", Anshuman's tone sounded grave, "Apparently there was some guy who was picked up by the police from outside your building gate a few nights ago."

"Outside my building gate? When was this?"

"The night I wanted to come over to meet you. There was some guy in a car right outside your gate."

"Uh Huh? What about him?"

"Well, the police took him for testing simply based on suspicion. Unfortunately, he turned out positive for..."

Before Anshuman could complete his sentence, he heard Kavita take a deep breath. The very next moment, she disconnected the call.

At the other side of the conversation, Kavita began sweating and felt her head spin.

A dreadful apprehension clouded her thoughts - "Was that Manoj who had tested positive? Does that mean I am infected too?"

A few miles away, Manoj was getting treatment in a hospital ward. There were questions is his mind,,,questions he had no answers for.

He and Kavita had met - more than just met - three or four times over the past two weeks. So, was it she who had infected him?

It seemed life was soon about to change for at least three people in the near future.


Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread

Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light

Episode 13 - Musical Masti

Episode 14 - Night Riders

Episode 15 - Order Order

Episode 16 - Papa the Great

Episode 17 - Quarantine

Saturday 25 April 2020

PAPA THE GREAT

z

Saturday, 18th April 2020, around 10:30 am


Anshuman looked at the workaholic seated to his left. As always, Gulshan's eyes were glued to his laptop monitor. It was almost as if he was expecting a gargoyle to jump out of the screen and pounce on him if he ever blinked. His fingers danced on the keyboard like an overenthusiastic Varun Dhawan in ABCD.

Anshuman was bemused, "Wasn't today supposed to be a holiday?"

"It's the third Saturday of the month", Gulshan admonished him, "Are you sure you've been a banker for nearly five years?"

"Where's your sense of humour?"

"Where's YOUR sense of duty?"

"Gullu...Ullu", Anshuman chided Gulshan; but he seemed to have switched off from the conversation already.

Just then, Anshuman's mobile phone rang. Neha Kakkar's "Garmi" as a ringtone would have made anyone else go red in the face in embarrassment - but Anshuman was made of a different timber.

The number seemed a tad familiar, "Hello?"

"How're you Nalaayak?" The voice sounded familiar too.

"Govind Kaka?" Anshuman asked in an irritated tone.

"It's your father, Nalaayak! You don't recognize your own father's voice?"

"I was joking Papa", Anshuman bit his tongue, "How are you?"

"Nevermind the formalities...what are these things that have I been hearing about you?"

"About me? Please don't believe her! She's lying!"

"Who's lying? What are you talking about Nalaayak?"

"No nothing, Papa! I was talking to my colleague", Anshuman bit his tongue again.

"No nothing, Papa! I was talking to my colleague", Anshuman bit his tongue again. "What did you hear about me Papa?"

"One of the elders of your neighbourhood told me you set off some fireworks inside your house on 5th April...Is this true?"

"But it was supposed to be a light show Papa."

"I get that...but why didn't you share this idea with me earlier?"


Idiosyncrasies of a Covidiot

All episodes so far 

Episode 01 - Aaho-Choo Story

Episode 02 Bus-Ted 

Episode 03 Bohemian Clapsody 

Episode 04 - Departmental Chor 

Episode 05 - Exceptionally Coarse 

Episode 06 - Fruits & Nuts 

Episode 07 - Gross Spread

Episode 08 - Helping Hands

Episode 09 - I Want to Break Free

Episode 10 - Jamboree

Episode 11 - Keep Safe Distance

Episode 12 - Let There Be Light

Episode 13 - Musical Masti

Episode 14 - Night Riders

Episode 15 - Order Order

Episode 16 - Papa the Great

Episode 17 - Quarantine