Thursday, 13 December 2012

APOCALYPSE - MY BUCKET LIST


A lil birdie tells me the world is gonna come to an end on the 26th of December 2012. I guess God made sure Jesus didn't miss his birthday celebrations. I wish he’d keep his plans on hold for my benefit too, coz there’s a few things I wanna do before the Apocalypse comes calling.

So here’s my bucket list:-


  • I wanna grab my school Arts teacher who beat kids for lame reasons and kick his ass (jet) black & (navy) blue
  • I wanna perform a drum solo to an Iron Maiden/Pantera/Metallica/ AC-DC classic
  • An Angus Young-esque guitar solo would be equally fulfilling
  • I wanna lobby for pets’ entry into heaven/hell (whichever applies to me)
  • I want Mamata Bannerji to define a  Mhaaoisht  Maoist
  • I want all Premier League teams including Wigan, Reading and West Ham to thrash Man Utd. I want Arsenal to beat Man Utd 10-0
  • I wanna stuff Patrice Evra up ‘Sir’ Fergie’s backside
  • I want the ‘great’ Mr Dhoble to be assigned the task to clean up Shivaji Park
  • I want Maharashtra police to show me a faster way to get arrested than updating my facebook wall
  • I want the ‘Senas’ to extend their good work towards tasks like cleanliness drives. They’d probably do a good job on the borders too – pack em off to Ladakh or Siachen or PoK
  • I wanna get hold of the Jackass cool chap who produces farty noises blows the Shankh on each and every Indian TV serial
  • I want Ram Gopal Varma to direct an entire week’s schedule of CID. I’m sure he can’t do worse than B P Singh
  • I wanna come across a few more women who ‘really’ believe in gender equality. Down with hypocrites and manipulative bitches
  • I want Raghu Ram (of MTV Roadies fame) to spend a week in the Big Boss house and Imam Siddique to make his life hell
  • I want Narain Kartikeyan and Karun Chandok to win a Grand Prix…or to at least finish their races without retiring mid-way
  • I want Kingfisher Airlines to fly again
  • I want my stocks portfolio to show gains
  • I want my income tax refund
  • I wanna yank the masks off fake friends’ faces and to give them the royal finger
  • I wanna refuse an autorickshaw ride and video-record the auto driver’s reaction
  • I want SRK to kick Salman Khan’s ass…literally. And I want Salman to let out a painful yelp…in that stupid accent he acquired from God knows where
  • I want to conduct a poll on which dance step is better - Daler Mehndi’s Tunak Tunak Tun or PSY’s Gangnam Style?
  • I want the Apocalypse to be postponed to after 9th January. I have a birthday too, God
See you on the 27th. Venue to be announced later, depending on what happens on the 26th ;)

Till then, Hasta la Vista!

5 comments:

  1. Just one word "amen" for all your wishes.

    And I thought this thing is going to happen on 21st Dec, so promised a blogger friend that I'll read his blog on Dec 22nd. Now, going to promise him that I'll read his blog on 27th also; if survived the 21st...

    And finally, I want to see snowfall at-least once in my life, hope nothing will happen to me or the himalayas on either dates. :P :D

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  2. "I want Raghu Ram (of MTV Roadies fame) to spend a week in the Big Boss house and Imam Siddique to make his life hell"
    LOL!!!
    I pray all your wishes come true! :P

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  3. wow...... i 2 hav a list of my own.....hope all ur wishes come true:)

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  4. mwhehe! Happy birthday in advance, just in case internet connection starts going hay wire before the scheduled Apocalypse. Btw, is Apocalypse german or Indian? Wish it were Indian, it will not arrive on schedule :P Jai hind!

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  5. hi CRD it was great to see you back...
    as the 'dooms days' got postponed do you want to upgrade this list?...
    cheers buddy :))

    ReplyDelete

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