Thursday, 26 March 2009

ACADEMIC ATYAACHAAR!!



Jo Bore Hua Toh Baal Main Nochun
Notebook Ko Drawing Book Main Bana Loon
Studying Studying Nikle Re Dhuaaaaaaan....

Summers...Mein Nikli...Hain Internships Ki Arthee
Arre What To Tell You Readers Kya Huaaaaaa?

Arre Sapne Dekhe Career Ke
Par Mitti Mein Mil Jaaye
Phoonkein Re Career Ki Duniya
Ko Boley Good Byeeee....

Koi Sun Le, Hai Allah
Sun Meri Yeh Guhaaaaarrr.....

Tauba Tera Tax-Law,
Tauba Hai O.R.
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Arre Tauba Tera Tax-Law,
Tauba Hai O.R.
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Jao Jao Director....
Oh Vaidu Ho Ohhhh Hooooo!

Arre Tauba Tera Tax-Law,
Tauba Hai O.R.
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Ho Gaye Sar Ke Paar
Strategy...Strategy..
Loot Gaye Re Scorecard...
Marks Sookh Sookh Murjhaaye

Bol Bol Why Did You Fail Me?
Presentation Bhi Le Yaar Kill Me
Bol Bol Why Did You Fail Me?...Bol!!!

Bol Bol Why Did You #$%@ Me?
Presentation Le Le Yaar Kill Me
Jao Na Yaar..Jao Na Yaar..Jao Na Yaar!!!

Tauba Tera MR, Tauba CSR
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Arre Tauba Tera MR, Tauba CSR
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Eco Mein Hai Sirf...
"Poverty"..."Mango Tree"...
Costing Hai Bekaar...
Sar Roz Roz Hum Khujaayein

Arre Eco Mein Hai Sirf...
"Poverty"..."Mango Tree"...
Costing Hai Bekaar...
Sar Roz Roz Hum Khujaayein

Kaisa Marketing Ka Case Study?
30 Pages Wasted Stationery
Kaisa Marketing Ka Case Study?
Bol!!!
Kaisa Marketing Ka Case Study?
30 Pages Wasted Stationery
Jao Na Yaar..Jao Na Yaar..Jao Na Yaar!!!

Tauba Tera Finance, Tauba Hai HR
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....
Arre Tauba Tera Finance, Tauba Hai HR
Tera Academic...Atyachaar....

Hello!! Am i with you? Hello!!!!

Shucks! I left out MIS,Spanish, and Supply Chain Mgmt...

What The Heck! Do you need any more? Get over it! :P

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

PERPETUAL SUCCESSION?


"Jaako Raakhey Saaiyaan, Maar Sakey Na Koye...

Baal Na Baaka Kar Sakega, Jo Jag Bairee Hoye"

Translation: "Whomsoever the lord keepeth in his care, no one shalt be able to harm him. Even if the whole world stood up against him, they would not be able to even bend his hair"

The Sage's words echoed in his head as Tarun walked towards his new workplace's building. He wasn't very spiritual, but sometimes when you're desperate for a break, you tend to seek the unknown. He walked through the lobby and stepped into the elevator which seemed to have been waiting for him. 

Tarun Jha eyed the lift attendant in amazement. He was pretty amused at what he saw. The guy looked like a typical village simpleton – wafer-thin moustache, slender frame, paan-stained teeth et al. But the Mohawk hairdo seemed totally out of place. It was as odd as distemper paint on an ancient castle. Tarun Jha had seen weird things at his hostel in Pune where he was pursuing his engineering degree - boy-crazy roomies, Anne French in the men’s loo, Saas-Bahu serial adoring guys and the like. But this one beat them all. He chuckled to himself.

“Naam Kya Hai Aapka?”

“Myself Hanuman Prasad Jha, Bhelcome To Sai Yarn Sirjee. Yuarself Name Sirjee?”

Amused and a wee bit embarrassed that they shared surnames, he replied, “Tarun Jha. Nice meeting you”

Tarun had given a telephonic interview a week back. To his surprise, the interviewer, VP of the company, interestingly also a Jha – Ashok Jha – had selected him without even enquiring too much about his qualifications. He had been offered a pretty decent pay package. This was an offer he’d never want to refuse, especially after just scraping through the exams, with a gazillion ATKT’s along the way.

The attendant smiled as the lift car reached the last floor of the three-storeyed structure of M/s. Sai Yarn Co. Tarun thanked the attendant and walked out. But he wasn’t prepared for what lay ahead of him.

“What the…”

He now found himself in the midst of atleast fifty-odd executives and workers, all staring at him with curious eyes. What shocked him most was that all of them had Mohawk hairdos.

“You’re a Jha, right?” someone asked.

“He’s got to be a Jha man.“, said someone else.

The murmurs grew louder.

He stopped in his tracks and looked all around. Slowly gathering his wits, he walked straight ahead to where the VP had told him his cabin would be.

He knocked twice gently on the thick mahogany door and entered.

“Good Morning Sir, may I come in?”

Two sharp eyes took time off from a laptop screen. “Hey. Tarun Jha? Welcome Welcome! I’m Ashok. Come in, have a seat.”

The guy had really spiky hair. His mane stood up like a crop ready for harvest. Tarun couldn’t contain his curiosity.

He blurted out, “Sir, your staff has a really peculiar hairdo. You too have a spiked look. What is…”

“Oh, I used to have a Mohawk once upon a time. But a VP has to be different, no?” He smiled.

Tarun shrugged in confusion, “Erm..well yeah..I guess so. Well Sir. I’ve brought my resume and certificates for...”

Interrupting him, the VP asked in a deep baritone, “Have you met the others outside?”

“No…not yet Sir”

“Very well”, he said and pressed a switch on his table. :”I’ll do the needful”. He smiled.

In a matter of seconds the same fifty odd were in.


“Tarun, meet Nitin, Amit, Narendra, Surendra, Rajeev, Hasmukh, Sujit, Ramnaresh…all Jha’s.”

Tarun didn’t know how to react. Before he could respond, Ashok blabbered again.

“Here’s your offer letter. Sign it please.”

Tarun did as instructed.

At once he felt the hair on his head stand erect. He had barely collected his wits when big boss spoke again.

“Time for your induction. Ready?”

Before he could reply, a machete-wielding hand appeared under his chin, slit his throat, sawed through muscles and bones, and yanked off his head.

The head fell with a thud on its nose. “Ouch!!!”, it screamed in pain. It heard the others cheer and clap.

Mr Ashok bent down and picked it up. The head stared back at him with questions in its eyes.

“Sorry for the mess young man”, he said, pointing to the blood-soaked shirt. He clumsily plonked the head onto the bare neck, and led Tarun to a mirror at the other end of the room.

Tarun saw his hair. It looked a lot like the VP’s hairdo.

“Can’t let you have that hairdo my boy..not as long as I’m still the VP”, Ashok chuckled. Just then a man with a machine came over and gave Tarun a neat Mohawk look.

“Why Sir”, asked Tarun after making sure his head was right back where it belonged, and he could move it perfectly,”what was all this for?”

“We’re all Jha’s here”

“Huh?”

Ashok whispered into Tarun’s bloodied ears….

….

….

….

….

Jha Ko Raakhe Sai Yarn….Maar Sakey Na Koi………..”



Still confused about the Hair???

….

….

….

………..Baal Na Baaka Kar Sakega…..” :P

P.S. – Scripted In Complete Sanity…..


Took a full 4 days to type this piece of shit…typing using two fingers and one eye ain’t easy. The concept took more than 7 months though. Had this idea since a long time but didn’t know how to weave a plot around it. Glad I’m done with it finally.

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