Sunday, 12 July 2009

THEM SELF-OBSESSED BASTARDS


Disclaimer: All characters in this post are fictitious and do not bear resemblance to any person living or dead, or hanging in between. Any resemblance would be a coincidence.

If it is NOT a coincidence, and a character does resemble someone, that someone needs serious and urgent help, and a really hard kick on his/her backside :P


Somewhere in a troubled state in India

B_ _ _ _ ji - Its my birthday next year...haaaaynnn. Build me a statue.

Crony - Oh but madamjee, you already have a dozen all over the state. And that's not counting the 60 elephant statues you've unveiled.

B_ _ _ _ ji -  Chup raho badtameez...else I'll have you plastered in one of them. haaaynnn...What's the status of the donation drive for my birthday party at the Taj?

Crony - Hotel Taj in Mumbai? But that's....

B_ _ _ _ ji - The Taj Mahal of Agra, you daay-um phool. haayynnn...Did people donate enough for my birthday cake?

Crony - Of course maidum-jee. Our extortionists are doing a good job. Only 1 fool dared to protest, and he's been packed off to another world. heehee.

B_ _ _ _ ji - Good good. So am I going to have a 100 kg cake this time? Last time's 52 kg one was sooo iss-small..haaynn haaynn?

Crony - 100 kg? That's it? Oh no maidumjee, we're making one the size of a statue this time. And we've arranged for someone to train you on handling a bulldozer too.

B_ _ _ _ ji - A bulldozer?? Why?

Crony - To cut the cake na maidumjee. Big cake no?

B_ _ _ _ ji - Oh good good. I haaynn like it. haaynn haaynnn. So how much have we spent already?

Crony - We haven't even touched 100 crores maidumjee. Don't worry.

B_ _ _ _ ji - You haven't crossed 100 crores yet? How dare you say that? What have you peepul been doing? Build me more statues! FAST!! Are you doing this injustice to me because I am a gareeb Dalit ki beti? Boo-hoo. You cheap upper class kameene-log. Don't you know I'm a living Goddess? Dalits will never forgive you. 

Crony - What about those fools who keep complaining that they are hungry and unemployed, and need food, education and employment?

B_ _ _ _ ji - Arre, I'm building statues na? For their benefit only. They will pray to my statues and they will be saved, no? 

Crony - You are a genius maidumjee! Dhanya ho aapka! Aap DEVI ho!!

B_ _ _ _ ji - I know! haaaynnnn!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somewhere in Blogosphere

Soil-eatery-crapper - Hey dude. I 'am' participated in a contest for best blogger. Will you votes for me?

Me - Dude, I need to be fair here. Show me all the nominated posts and I'll vote for the best, if I find time to read.

Soil-eatery-crapper - You wanting to read all? Why dude? I'm telling you na, I'm among the bestest. Right now I am 2nd. I just need 3 votes to lead.

Me - Dude, I said I'll be fair. I'm not gonna vote for you just coz I know you.

Soil-eatery-crapper - Ok I've mailed you 'a' award...no..3 awards for your blog. Now will you vote? Vote na please.....

Me - Show me all the nominations dude.

Soil-eatery-crapper - Here.

URL 1
URL 2
URL 3

Me - Hey, they re all of your own blog.

Soil-eatery-crapper - Of course. I'm only making it easy for you na. I'm shortlisting for making easy for you.

Me - Sorry dude, but...

Soil-eatery-crapper - And oh, 'by the ways', one of your posts has been nominated for most humorous post of 2009 on my bloggers' community.

Me - Which one? 

Soil-eatery-crapper - 
URL..this one.

Me - Eek. That's not my funniest post. And what do I see, 3 of your own posts have been nominated in the same category? None of em are funny, though your vocab sure is.

Soil-eatery-crapper - Yeah yeah, whatever. So are you gonna vote now?

Me - Nope

Soil-eatery-crapper - Okay, any of your other blogger friends 'is' online?

46 comments:

  1. LMAO
    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
    I so loved that "behanji" convo... too good...
    and i'm still laughing!!!
    Amazing work.

    And also... you brought some bitter facts to light. I mean seriously.. she calls herself a poor Dalit's beti.. and spends crores from people's money to build what?? Elephants!!!

    tsk tsk!!

    Anyway.. DOUBLE THUMBS UP

    ReplyDelete
  2. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ,

    Any more smiles and I could light up the taj at night! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whao.
    :D

    Part one is beyong comparison!
    But part 2........ was simply... MIND BLOWING.

    Those crappos.. he he.. such Loooooossseerrrs. People with such cheap stunts... ha ha,,man..what a post..! What A P O S T.
    get em to read this na. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. This one was soooooooo damn trueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

    :)

    Meaningful eye-opening sarcasm!!

    Loved it a lotttttttt.Hope everyone reads this.

    ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha..ha.. Part 2 was beyond words.. I have come across such blogs, and to put it mildly, I just REFRAIN from them ;P

    ReplyDelete
  6. the post was cool man :) :) straight strikin the chord :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Damn good one :) !!! hilarious !!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. The part one was Amazing!!! esp the hayynn part!! Thank God I havent come across bloggers from the second part!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. LMAO..great post great sarcasm..loved it,take care mate

    ReplyDelete
  10. oH woww!! hey . .. i like this ...first part was good nd second part was even more good :D got smile on my face...eye opener for me and others who think that friends cud do anything...thanks a lot machaa for writing this....

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Shruti - Double Thank You!.

    Btw, have you read the 2nd part? Guess who? :P

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Ash D - Have You been Munching on Happydent all day? :P

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Alisha - Hehe, Guess what? It has been read. And guess what the response was :P

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Where Thought ARe Words - Hehe. I Hope so too. Thanx :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Netika - Yea, keep away from such pests. They can really be a pain :P

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Golden Vulture - Thanx Dude :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Nupur - You haven't? I'll drop you a link sometime later :P

    ReplyDelete
  18. @Solitary - Ahem Ahem. Just a question..Is you orkut's friends list a friends' list or a vote bank? :P

    A word of advice - Dont USE friends.

    ReplyDelete
  19. well...wish i cud use it as a vote bank :P

    but there are few friends who wish to help me....i actually expected this post soon...but no wonder..y it took time for u to write hehehe.... guess wht alisha dash must be happy hehehe :P...... :P

    ReplyDelete
  20. @solitary - You wish?? Not just every post of urs, But even your Community BLOG screams out LOUD - "Please Vote for your founder"

    ReplyDelete
  21. lolz...
    Good one....Wonder how she is gonna handle the court... :D
    She also came up with a justification that she spends less that was is spent for Rajghat and other places... :D

    God save "YOU PEE" :D

    Well part two was an eyeopeners....
    I have myself asked for votes.. :P
    became influenced by the politicians and their family and friends...

    Hope we all change for good... :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLzzzz.... Like I said, awesome funny bone ... :p

    Behenji and her million demans were hilarious .... Budhi ghodi laal lagaam hain ?! :))

    I specially loved the convo of the guy begging for votes ;) hehehehe...

    Such is life ... Everyone wants something more than what they have ... even if they don't deserve it ....

    ReplyDelete
  23. Helo!
    I am the impatient gal :p

    Great u visited my blog :) and am here too. and yeah ..U r good man..(I hope u r a man :p, I havent checked your profile yet, just jumped on the post) Something tells me I will get my funny bone tickled here :D

    Great blogging

    ReplyDelete
  24. @The Vitruvian Boy - Well, no one's perfect dude :)

    But there are some who're shameless about it. This one's for them

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Adisha - Yea, thats the worst part...when they DONT deserve it

    ReplyDelete
  26. @Zanychild - Yup, blogger of the male species here :P

    Well, this wasn't meant to be too funny, there are humourous posts out here at your service :P So do take your time to read on.

    Cheers
    CRD

    ReplyDelete
  27. sooooper doooper post!
    :))) thankoo for making me smile!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. LMAOOO!!!!! comin late bt wow tht was one awesome read :P :D

    Thr r VERY few ppl i wud classy as funniest bloggers, infact ryt now i can count only three.. :P they wud kick anyones ass n they being Ms.Kido, Dphat n u :)

    As fr d votes, arent they lik supposed to come, n not be called for? :O weird some ppl are... :P :D

    Cheers,
    Annie. :P

    ReplyDelete
  29. WOW... Thst was hilarious hyaaan...

    :D :D :D

    Ek do teen chaar... B_____ji ki jai jai kaar... :D

    Sarcasm at its best :)

    Kudos!!! Have a great week ahead :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sorry hyaan iss-spelling mistake hyaan... *That...

    ReplyDelete
  31. damn good dude ... its ulti hillarious ....

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Divsi - Arre thank you for giving me the opportunity to make you smile.

    In other words, thank you for visiting :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. @Ice-Maiden - Aww! You meant that? Thanx pal! :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. @Miss Kido - Thanks for visiting guru-maiyya!

    ReplyDelete
  35. @Miss Kido - Arre isshpelling mishtake muaaf hai jee! :P

    ReplyDelete
  36. This was crazy, man! Really, you are the best person to take a dig at her and come out of it to such tumultous applause.
    I'd like you to read my story on my personal blog and comment on it.

    ReplyDelete
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