Monday, 30 June 2008

EQUALLED A SEQUEL

Been a while since I posted something. Sameera had posted a short romantic story named Dumbstruck, and had invited readers to participate in a contest to write a sequel to it. I had put up this news on my community BLOGGERATTI's forum, but wasn't very keen on doing it myself, since I never considered myself a Mills N Boons expert :P. A member named Pooja got busy with it though, and had a draft ready within 3 days of me informing her about it. The draft was amazing, but she couldn't quite finish it. She wasn't able to find an apt ending. So she sent me the draft, and I got thinking too. So after about a dozen times of sending, editing and resending drafts on either side, we jointly came out with a seemingly perfect sequel.

Here it is

Jointly written by *Pooja* and *Christopher*

There were a million questions in his mind about a thousand emotions dancing around his heart… What should he do? Should he just leave the stray thought of approaching her alone? It wouldn't make a difference, she didn't even hear him. But what was in him that begged to differ?!? Why did he still want to talk to her?

Her favorite song was playing on her I-pod "Abhi na jaao chod kar". She had always loved this song but today it sounded so different, she could have sworn Rafi and Lata were just teasing her now. It was only a few minutes later she realized that it was a different aroma that had the effect, she was wondering what could it be. She turned her head to her right, she knew there was some man sitting beside her. She knew she had never met him before, but yet, she knew his scent… she didn't know what to make of it.

"Sitaare jhilmila uthe
Sitaare jhilmila uthe
Chirag jagmaga uthe
Bas ab na mujhko tokna
Bas ab na mujhko tokna
Na badhke raah rokna"

Something was wrong and she had to get to the bottom of it… "Excuse me…?", she said in the most hesitant tone. Then, realizing she had her ear plugs on, she plucked them out and waited for the person sitting next to her to say something. He stammered for a second more, then when she let out a knowing smile, as if, she knew exactly what was going on inside his head, all the stammering stopped, he knew everything as if he had already been through this scene… like Déjà Vu!

"I am Gerald…"

"Im Brinda… have we met before? I seem to have recognized you…", it was her turn to stammer now. Her eyes now somehow seemed to meet his.

He sat still,gazing deep into her eyes, hoping they'd stop groping and hold still, finding a spot that he thought he recognized… there it was… but still they kept moving hesitantly… She was so beautiful, his heart skipped a beat every nano second that her eyes looked directly into his.

"Hello?" she called out gently.

"Ermm..ohh..yeah I guess we have, so how have you been?", he asked, still gazing deeply into her eyes. It was then that it happened, suddenly as if by a miracle she looked into his eyes and held still.

"I've been good", she struggled with her words, wondering if he really meant what she said, "So where are u heading?"

He suddenly realized he was in a bus and had to go somewhere. He looked out of the window, cursing under his breath, his stop was almost there. 'What the heck, I can wait for 2 more stops, I can walk back', he thought.

"Well, two stops from here, dear...what about you?", he said, hoping they'd have more time together.

"Well I...uh…I'm...",she cursed herself for being such a ninny, how could she forget where she was heading! "I'm going a little ahead", she said finally settling on an answer she thought was convincing.

Thinking of what else they could talk about he glanced at her. She was smiling, this made him relax a bit. He let out a sigh looking at her and lay his head on the headrest, if there was anything he knew was incandescent, it was this beautiful creature sitting next to him on a BEST bus seat. He cursed his fate again, he may never meet her again!

He started humming from a song he once loved a lot, but whose words he now barely remembered

"Adhuri aas chhodh ke
Adhuri pyaas chhodh ke
Jo hmm hmm hmm hmm jaayogi
To kis tarah nibhaayogi
hmm hmm hmm
Jo humko aazmaayenge
Hmm hmm hmm..."

She turned her face toward him, a little amused but still smiling.

"You're not gettin down?" she teased him…"I think your stop has come, no"?

He looked at her, a little demoralised and very upset.

No answer.

She waited for an answer....was he still there? "Hello?"

"Oh..oh yea..I was just...my bag...well see you then"

She said nothing but was slightly hurt that he wasn't waiting, she held out her hand, "Nice meeting you, Gerald!"

"Oh yea..same here...bye...Brr..inda.."

She thought she felt his scent fade away..and heard him stepping away from her...the bus started moving again..

Then she turned her head as if in submission to fate…

She hummed a part from the song she was listening a few minutes back

"Bura na maano baat ka
Yeh pyar hai gila nahi
Haan yehi kahoge tum sada
Ke dil abhi bhara nahi"

The very next moment she felt someone sit next to her… A voice now familiar sang

"Haan dil abhi bhara nahi
Nahi nahi nahi nahi"

There was laughter, there was a joy that would fill any cheerless heart with hopes and dreams…

On that day of no apparent consequence, two people had the bus ride they would remember for the rest of their lives.

~~~FINIS~~~

And oh, eventually Sameera got 5 entries, but she didn't name a winner. She liked all of em [:d]
You can check em out on her blog.

Got a medal of sorts from Sameera. Chk this out.

50 comments:

  1. i really liked the whole concept.. the song excerpts coming in between at apt locations..
    though i felt that you guys have sidelined the fact that the girl was blind a bit..
    but it sure was a romantic read.. and a different one definitely!

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  2. Lovely story bro [:p]. It was a good read. Really well written, interspersed with lines frm the song. Three cheers for Pooja and Christopher! (this is the second comment, missed out by whisker ;)

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  3. @pranay - hey no man. we dint sideline that fact. thts how we acentuated her other senses like her hearing sense and her sense of smell, etc

    we just dint wanna harp too much on her handicap. we wwanted readers to know that the guy dint jus sympathise with her:)

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  4. @tara - hey sis :P
    u did miss out, but it was a pleasant surprise that u knew i had a new post :)

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  5. hey good one,nice enchanting soft love story....keep posting

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  6. Hmmm!Nice :)

    Sorry I didn't visit your community yet cause orkut is blocked here and it's so hard to log on with a proxy server.

    Have a nice week ahead.Cheers!

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  7. *grin, beautiful!! Loved the piece really...soft and romantic

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  8. Awesome! It was the best romantic clip I could've pictured in anyone's head...the setting, the people, the song..all so familiar1
    Bravo Chris, and Pooja, wonderful job!

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  9. nicely written...!!! keep up the good work !!!

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  10. I like the concept where u have 2 or 3 people coming up with something..

    Thats really something new ...

    Just been to stephan's blog ... where he has done something similar.

    Thats a nice story.

    xsys

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  11. i dnt think i wud hv appreciated it till a few months ago..

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  12. hey yeah.
    Two people contributing is definitely better than a single person doing so.
    liked the concept.
    slightly mushy...slightly.
    but nice all the same

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  13. nice attempt by both of u...really brilliant at most of the places...while on some i got the feeling tht the mushy act was overflowing a bit...a lil filmi kinds...but then thts how a romantic one wud naturally be handled..right? but still a nice read...

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  14. nice concept.it is great to write together.And it is a challenge too.
    liked it.
    congrats to both of you...

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  15. umm, I am sorry!
    I don't like the idea of chain stories or prose-making competitions.

    Anyways best of luck with your venture of chain-story-writing.

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  16. hey good work

    i mean the sequel was gr8

    hmm btw there shud be a single winner for this contest

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  17. I liked all of them too. I mean the sequels. Yours is good too! And the best part was how you chose just the right song and kept dropping in suggestive lines. Pretty cool!
    Cheers!
    Sakshi

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  18. Damn soft...Just made me feel NICE while reading it... The songs playing in my head in the background..Like a movie :P

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  19. nice one dude...a touch of 1970s love story in it..
    I must admit that song is more likable than the post..LOL..;-D
    I just love this song man, its in my playlist too..;-)


    PS: Devanand has made this song from good 2 gr8..lovely tune & bliss lyrics..truly a fine romance number

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  20. it seemed to me.. as if.. i reached some different world...

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  21. hey i liked the thing

    i mean the 2 characters :)

    the gerald character

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  22. hey.. it was very well written... normally it s rather difficult for two people to put in one idea.. n come up with something.. for no two individuals are the same.. so, it s a gr8 attempt, indeed..

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  23. Mushy..Softly romantic...and the inclusion of classic Songs...Gr8 Combo..
    Keep it Up..

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  24. @sameera - no worries. thnx for the opportunity :)

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  25. @hellbound - oh yea. and to think that we dont read mills n boons :P..ok i dunno abt her, but i dont :P but yea im a die hard romantic :)

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  26. @xsystem - oh yea.its quite interactive. the only hitch is that the net connex shud be really good, and both writers shud be really vela :P
    we actually started this way,pooja made a draft and mailed it to me, i edited and addded and sent it to her, she again edited and sent back...and after a lot of textual ping ponging we agreed upon something finally, and we posted :)

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  27. @knatch - ahem ahem. i know:d

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  28. @mihir - hehe.its not necessarily better. but we're geniuses :P

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  29. @sandeep - hehe. u know we cud maybe join the yashraj camp one day...*nightmare*...hell no no. i was joking :P

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  30. @man in painting - yea it is quite time consuming :) thnx :)

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  31. @diva - yea..ur the eternal "mush-hater" economist :P
    thnx nevertheless :d

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  32. @solitary - u think so too? yea yea thts it man!! lissening sameera? :P

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  33. @sakshi - hehe.poojas idea. i only helped continue the story when she cudnt go further :)

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  34. @rashi - hehe. thnx yaar. i mean, as long as readers enjoyed it, what more can i ask for ?:)

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  35. @girish - arre yaar. i like the song too. but u shud like us a lil bit yaar. aww cmon :D

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  36. @alisha - another world? :O thanx re :)

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  37. @matangi - oh we did have our differences. but i guess we took the middle path :) ty :)

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  38. Hey Guys!! Thanks a lot for all those compliments... I watch a lot of movies... and Chris is amazing with hindi... not a bad combo for bollywood script writers, inne? Salim-Javed, Pooja-Chris??...

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  39. Dumbstruck is all i can say...

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  40. a beautiful combo of a melody and gud script...actually even i loved all the sequels..:)

    one of such bus incident did also take place wid my bro..(but their the girl had gud eyes and was reading 'anythin for u ma'am)...i remembr how they talked and talked for several stops abt the buk and hence i had to walk almost 3miles bak home..and tat too listnin to each of their stupid talks...all over again..may be he forgot i was in the same bus...phew!!! i almost avoid bus journeys wid him since then...but for ur story thats really gud...seriously..
    keep posting..
    do visit my blog wheneva free..
    nickku..

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  41. hey dude...

    bloggerratti or wateva it is spelt...(*sowie*)....is a lovely concept..i've sent a request to the moderator ji (which is you)...to pleees..add me *hands folded*..and i promise i will learn the spelling.. :"(

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  42. well, ok Mr. owner ji..when i clicked "join" as i thought too as anyone would do..that it is an open community..a pop-up popped my thoughts and told me that a request has been sent to the moderator for approval...and soooo i landed up in here and blah..blah..dhyay samapt...bolo ram ji ki jai...

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  43. ok ji owner-wa ji...i give up n u win...*hands down*...well i went to the exactly rite community...and im also in the community now...(phew!!finally)...and hence the job is done...waise faltu-farji topic pe itta discuss karke bada hi maza aaya...hamesha hi aata hai mujhe to..hope aapko bhi aaya ho...hope for more of it...
    bbye...(ab kisi dusri post pe comment dalenge..isme bahut neeche tak jana padta hai..very lazy...hehe..)

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  44. just what i wanted to read on a lazy sunday morning!!cheers!!

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