Its back to where it all began once again. I feel the same uneasy feeling I had during the first few weeks since I first met them.
I feel like a stranger in their midst.
Even if there's a conversation happening, I feel completely left out. That vibe and connection that was so strong only a few weeks ago has suddenly vanished.
If I have something to say, they don't seem to be listening.
They don't tag me along for tea anymore, and if I ask them, they keep me waiting.
My jokes aint funny anymore..I really miss their guffaws. They only laugh when I say something serious nowadays.
Some of them always have something nasty to say about me...I guess I'm to blame...I've been too much of a clown. No one takes me seriously anymore.
Its back to where it all started. I can't be my usual self till I'm sure that I'm accepted. That sense of belonging has faded a wee bit.
The sad thing is that in a few months, we will all go on to separate paths. Maybe we'll never see each other again.
Sometimes I remember those happy times we shared, and think how lucky I've been. At other times, I wonder why I always break the vow I made to myself a little more than a year ago - a vow not to make friends or emotional attachments ever again.
Is this why they say "Familiarity breeds contempt" ?