APOCALYPSE - MY BUCKET LIST

A lil birdie tells me the world is gonna come to an end on the 26th of December 2012. I guess God made sure Jesus didn't miss his birthday celebrations. I wish he’d keep his plans on hold for my benefit too, coz there’s a few things I wanna do before the Apocalypse comes calling.

So here’s my bucket list:-

• I wanna grab my school Arts teacher who beat kids for lame reasons and kick his ass (jet) black & (navy) blue

• I wanna perform a drum solo to an Iron Maiden/Pantera/Metallica/ AC-DC classic

• An Angus Young-esque guitar solo would be equally fulfilling

• I wanna lobby for pets’ entry into heaven/hell (whichever applies to me)

• I want Mamata Bannerji to define a  Mhaaoisht  Maoist

• I want all Premier League teams including Wigan, Reading and West Ham to thrash Man Utd. I want Arsenal to beat Man Utd 10-0

• I wanna stuff Patrice Evra up ‘Sir’ Fergie’s backside

• I want the ‘great’ Mr Dhoble to be assigned the task to clean up Shivaji Park

• I want Maharashtra police to show me a faster way to get arrested than updating my facebook wall

• I want the ‘Senas’ to extend their good work towards tasks like cleanliness drives. They’d probably do a good job on the borders too – pack em off to Ladakh or Siachen or PoK

• I wanna get hold of the Jackass cool chap who produces farty noises blows the Shankh on each and every Indian TV serial

• I want Ram Gopal Varma to direct an entire week’s schedule of CID. I’m sure he can’t do worse than B P Singh

• I wanna come across a few more women who ‘really’ believe in gender equality. Down with hypocrites and manipulative bitches

• I want Raghu Ram (of MTV Roadies fame) to spend a week in the Big Boss house and Imam Siddique to make his life hell

• I want Narain Kartikeyan and Karun Chandok to win a Grand Prix…or to at least finish their races without retiring mid-way

• I want Kingfisher Airlines to fly again

• I want my stocks portfolio to show gains

• I want my income tax refund

• I wanna yank the masks off fake friends’ faces and to give them the royal finger

• I wanna refuse an autorickshaw ride and video-record the auto driver’s reaction

• I want SRK to kick Salman Khan’s ass…literally. And I want Salman to let out a painful yelp…in that stupid accent he acquired from God knows where

• I want to conduct a poll on which dance step is better - Daler Mehndi’s Tunak Tunak Tun or PSY’s Gangnam Style?

• I want the Apocalypse to be postponed to after 9th January. I have a birthday too, God

See you on the 27th. Venue to be announced later, depending on what happens on the 26th ;)

Till then, Hasta la Vista!

THE KING OF NOT-SO-GOOD TIMES

Kingfisher Airlines' license to fly was suspended yesterday. Someone wrote something on his FakeBook wall soon after.

Click the link below for a view of the said FakeBook Wall. 

LINK

BLAME IT ON THE DARK

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 31; the thirty-first edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for this month is 'Strangers in the Night'

Dark was the night and weird the atmosphere. It rained from time to time. Gusts of wind shook the nearby forest. Between thunderclaps and the moaning of jackals could be heard the eerie laughter of spirits. But King Vikramaditya held his nerve. Braving extreme fatigue and a throbbing headache, he walked towards the ancient tree once again. It was pitch dark, and he could barely see his own nose in whatever little light the moon could afford. Nevertheless, after struggling for more than ten minutes, he climbed the tree and reached out for the corpse that hung from it. Ignoring the corpse's violent protests, he brought it down. In keeping with the usual routine, he flung it over his shoulders and walked towards the cremation ground for the umpteenth time.

However, as soon as he began crossing the desolate cremation ground, the spirit that possessed the corpse said, "Pardon me, I have a really sore throat, so you're gonna have to pay a little extra attention tonight. I'm sure I've said this to you a million times already, but I can't understand what your aim is. What do you seek from me? It is pitch dark, and you & I can barely see anything. Aren't you afraid of the dark?"

The King merely shook his head in a horizontal motion to indicate that he wasn't, careful not to break his vow of silence. He kept walking.

"I don't intend to be rude, but your back smells like shit. When was the last time you had a bath? You seriously need to gome home."

The King was tempted to say 'My back smells like crap coz it's you who's been piggybacking me a million times.' But he kept mum.

The spirit continued, "Alright, without further ado, let's get back to business shall we?", in a tone that sounded like he was teasing the King.

The King nodded in the affirmative. 

"Very well then. Adinath from Maynagadh had seven livestock animals - three goats and the rest cows. He had a policy of milking only one animal per day. In a week's timeframe, what is the probability of Adinath having milked a goat? If you know the answer and still keep mum, your head will be blown into a thousand pieces."

The King was annoyed. He thundered back, "Hey, time out mister! This ain't fair! You're not supposed to ask me mathematics and statistics-based questions! And where's the story?"

The corpse was stunned. He leaned over the King's shoulder to take a look at his face.

Their eyes met for the first time.

"Which tree?", the corpse asked in an irritable tone.

The King smiled sheepishly, visibly embarassed at his faux pas. "Tree no. 43C - Moral Science."

"That's about a dozen trees from mine.I'm from 39A - Statistics"

An awkward silence dwelt over the strangers in the night thereafter, as the King carried the corpse back to its creepy abode.

Picture and background of the main write-up thanks to Chandamama Comics - www.chandamama.com

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. I've participated in 3 editions so far.

FAKEBOOK - RETIREMENT

V V S Laxman bid farewell to international cricket a week ago. Here's what his Facebook wall must have looked like as soon as he made his announcement.

Please click the link below:-

CLICK --->  THE LINK

THE GREAT HOLD UP

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 30; the thirtieth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

With every passing second, Mr. Dastur was getting impatient.  

Everyone else, on the other hand, was soaking in the sun. At leisure. 

Akbar had gotten hold of a starfish and was showing it off to his three kids.

The Sule brothers - Akshay, Sandeep and little Sandesh seemed to be racing each other. Strangely, they weren't quite running in the same direction. 

Jason was walking all alone. He was probably slightly disappointed that none of the girls had agreed to join them for this picnic. Unfortunately for Mr.Dastur, he too didn't seem to be in a hurry to get back.

Mr.Dastur couldn't take it any longer. He placed his legs closer together. "When the hell are we gonna leave?", he cried out to no one in particular.

Can't blame the old chap. When you wanna pee, you just can't hold on for too long.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. I’m thankful to Sadiya Merchant, who introduced Blog-a-Ton to me, and I debuted in the 23rd edition.

Credits 

Image - Shades of Orange by Harsha Chittar
Courtesy - Curious Dino Photography via www.blogaton.in

HUNDRED STROKES OF INSANITY

You are reading the 100th post on SCRIPTED IN SANITY. I missed my blog's 5th anniversary on 16 May 2012. Honestly speaking, I never thought I'd get this far. Feels good, though...REALLY GOOD!

The blog started out as 'DREAM ARENA' on 16 May 2007. Like most beginners, I started out with posts that were preachy, and filled with angst. Slowly, I graduated to satire and poetry. Tags kept me interested for a short while. Then came short stories. I dabbled a bit in doodles and so-called art. Co-writing was fun. In July 2008, DREAM ARENA donned a new avatar and SCRIPTED IN SANITY was born. I ventured into what I call 'weird stories'. Till date, it remains my favourite genre.

There are a lot of people I need to thank:-

• SSNAB - For introducing me to Blogging. She's the one who taught me the basics, helped me with my blog name, proof-read my first few posts, designed the first real banner for DREAM ARENA, and encouraged me to keep blogging.
• Socorrina - For being the first person to ever leave a comment in my blog.
• Creation -  For being a constant source of encouragement and for regularly following the blog
• Pranay - For designing the first banner for SCRIPTED IN SANITY.
• Pooja, Swatz, Rohini and Shane - For having given me the honour of co-writing with them.
• Alisha - For helping with BLOGGERATTI and for being a source of encouragement at every juncture.
• My wife, Cheryl - For encouraging me to continue with my passion, in spite of my promising to help her with marital duties :P
• To all my readers, for your loyalty. You keep this blog alive.

I have a few wishes for the times to come. I wish:-

• That I complete the 200 posts milestone...and that it does not take another five years to get there
• That I have at least a 100 followers before the year comes to an end. Greedy, eh?
• That the visitors count on my blog would cross the six-digit mark some day. Long way to go!
• That I could find a way to remember every thought for a blog post that crossed my mind. Do I see some of you smile? 
• I wish I could do a comic strip some day. I've done a 'Fakebook' post...but it doesn't quite compare.
• That I win a lot of contests.

Cheers
CRD

KILL ANOTHER DAY

"You can't kill em anymore" they said. "Darn beasts die hard these days" they said.

Well, I was out to prove them all wrong.

I peeked into the room, hiding myself carefully behind the door frame. The lights were still on, exactly the way I'd left them an hour ago. The creatures had all crept out of hiding by now, feasting and mating like there was no tomorrow. I froze at the ghastly sight. I could've sworn there were at least a 100 of them, if not a thousand.

I pulled my head back behind the door frame. My pulse was racing like never before. I closed my bloodshot eyes, striving to collect my thoughts. I was only prepared for a dozen, a hundred was more than what I could handle. After a minute of self-prodding, I decided to go for only one. 

I tiptoed my way into the dimly-lit room, trying my best to keep my entry unknown. I had to choose my victim. I spotted a large one. I whispered a little prayer, picked up my canister and lunged towards the beast.

The invaders sensed my presence almost instantly. They all began scurrying towards their nest. My target was on his way too, but I wasn't going to let him go away that easily.

I aimed my canister at him and went straight for the face.

I expected him to turn turtle and choke to a painful death.

He did get startled by the sudden splash on his face. I'm dead sure the smell must've offended him. But he ran faster than lightning, back to the safety of his lair.

No kill for me today.

Nothing seems to work on darn cockroaches these days.


First post in 2012. Better late than never.