Wednesday, 24 December 2008

ACID RAIN


Beads of sweat trickled down Sakpal's brows. He and three others carried the frame holding the body briskly through once-fertile barren fields. But the burden of a son's corpse can't be lightened by a few more shoulders.
None of them chanted. They probably realised the futility. Prayers hadn't gotten them rain since fifteen months now.
People here were dying either because of thirst, or by famine. Those who couldn't take the pain committed suicide.
The sweltering heat had claimed yet another victim, this time within Sakpal's family. Ganu was his only son. He was merely eight.
But Sakpal didn't cry. He only mumbled curses under his breath. He didn't fear DIVINE wrath anymore. He was certain HE wasn't listening.
Getting the wood and the shroud for the cremation was quite a struggle. Even while his son's body lay out in the open, ravaged by flies, he ran a few errands for the Sarpanch to raise money, when his pleas for a loan fell on deaf ears. But he didn't blame the Sarpanch. The Sarpanch atleast responded with a refusal.......his God, though, never said a thing.
Sakpal had dreams for his son. He had sent him to school, where kids of the 'better-offs' studied. Other poor farmers laughed at his "folly" and taunted him. But he wanted his son to have an education, and probably get a job in the city. Ganu would have taken them out of this village, to some place far away, where life would be better. Some place where God listened better. This village once had fields. Everyone produced something. And everyone was content. Not anymore. It hardly rained since the last year and a half. If at all it did rain, it would only be for an hour one day, and then nothing. The rain gods were teasing them it seemed.
His dream now lay motionless on his shoulder, dry, fly-infested, and slowly rotting. Ready to be consumed by a pyre. He felt uneasy. His head reeled. His loss was probably only now beginning to sink in.
They reached the crematorium grounds. As directed by the priest, the wood was arranged.
The body was laid on top of the heap.
Prayers were offered.
The corpse was walked around.
The pot was dropped.
The torch was lit.
But then it happened.
Betrayal......
Sakpal wailed out in anger.
The others joined him in angry protest.
Because, as if to add insult to injury and deny a dead child his due passage to a 'better life'....
.
..
...
....
.....
......IT RAINED!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P.S. - This story won the 5th prize at "The Rain Drenched Contest" on The Writers' Lounge Blog. It featured in the top 6 posts, hence winning a "Super Six" badge :) Here it is.




62 comments:

  1. i liked it. i liked the theme of it.

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  2. hey...it was very well written...i feel you have an amazing command on the language. keep it up!

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  3. Nicely Written. And yes for sure you can write ;)

    Cheers!!

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  4. Touchs, hurts, angers.
    CRD, you're brilliant.

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  5. Briliant.. would be an understatement!!

    How the hell do you manage to surpass yourself every-(damn)-single-time???

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  6. estupendo! well written! keep writing..

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  7. well written..am sure it will evoke lot of responses :)

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  8. indeed msemerizing!!...the fact that it rained symbolizes tha eternity of the soul...it will go on..the human spirit never dies....

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  9. Once again...very well written....life sometimes is very unfair to people....
    sakpal probably was one of them...

    keep writing....

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  10. nice one with a strong ending...
    Rashmi Pillai

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  11. Vola!!!... amazing. Loved the language, narration, theme... everything. Very well written.
    Keep up the good work...

    N i'm votin for you for the best blog.

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  12. hey....it's nice. You must be getting this a lot but, you write well. I refrained from commenting so far because you anyway get too many....so I felt like mine will be lost amongst them :P.

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  13. That gave me goose flesh.


    It was so very touching.
    Awesome writing dude. :)

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  14. @Mallika - Hey, You really think so? Thanks a lot :)

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  15. @Comfy Numb - Oh yeah dude...I can type as well..40wpm!! [:P]

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  16. @Hellbound - Wow! Exactly the emotions I wanted to evoke. Mission Accomplished!! :)
    Thanks Dear :)

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  17. @Creation - I'm a (damn) Genius :P

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  18. @Sunflower - Gracias, Senora Almeida :P

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  19. @Ghost Writer - I sure do hope so. Thanks :)

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  20. @take'a'leap - Well, actually, it wasn't really about the human spirit..its about how sometimes life is very unfair to some ppl. Thanks anyway:)

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  21. @Eisha - Absolutely! Very Very Unfair :) Cheers

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  22. @Rashmi - Hey thanks a lot Rashmi:)

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  23. @Deepak - Hey thanks a lot:) And thanks for ur vote as well :)

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  24. @Nidhi - Oh no no!! Comments are always welcome, theyre meant for me, not for other readers :)

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  25. @Jadis - Hey thanks a lot gal :)

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  26. chrizzzzzzzzzz...simply loved this one....especially the last two lines...perfect way to end...a what an irony! welcome to the lounge...nicely etched out characters....sakpal and ganu..mithi ki khushboo aa rahi hain inn naamo main se :-)

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  27. They say the best stuff comes in the end... and how true it is!!

    I guess the climax to the contest is yet to come... if not, then this is it!!

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  28. best thigns come in the last !! it was simply touching and well narrated :) loved it .. we all were waiting for your post CRD !!

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  29. oh wowww..just awesome!!
    simply loved d way u ended it...ohh...sooo touchin....dont hav more words...but it ws tooo gud!!

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  30. Irony is the newest thing life is teaching me..

    But all I could when I was reading this was this sucks.. there are times when it just doesnt end. Sometimes when you want to sit back and tell God ," Hit me with all you got and lets just get over with this." Things that you want, that you need never come when you are yearning for them.. The moment you love life without them they come along and make your life difficult!

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  31. excellent composition, especially the absence of rain and makinga n appearance towards the climax...brilliant

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  32. aw! now thats one award winning post.

    good good!
    yeah the execution is perfectly done :)

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  33. Oh god... wat an irony..!!

    Nice post buddy.... Well packaged.. ;)

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  34. @sandeep- hehe. well dude, kisaan hain toh mitti ki khushboo ayegi hi.
    U weren't expecting Indian farmers with names like larry jones and chuck schuldiner were u? [:P]
    Thanx Dude :)

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  35. @neha - the CLIMAX?? Why, thank you Gal :)

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  36. @Pretty - Woah gal..now u ppl are really flattering me :) Thanx :)

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  37. @Rashi - hey! u hit the nail on its head. Touche!!

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  38. @.a. - award winning post?? gee thanx:)
    ok anyone wanna bet on that ? :P

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  39. wow...haven't come across any good blogs like this

    very informaive!
    keep it up

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  40. Awesome narration... Good luck with the contest!

    Peace.

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  41. Intense stuff, I must say. Now I agree that every writer has his own style, but I'd like to offer my two cents..

    The concept of the downpour at the very end was good, but you could have laid more emphasis on the bittersweet emotion to it. Maybe a slightly longer ending.. But I guess you had something specific in mind with your relatively abrupt ending.

    Hats off to you! Good work..

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  42. Briliant Work. A post that is sure to evoke many thoughts in the readers heart.

    M goin thr a rough patch rite now and this post just angers and troubles my soul. Lots of emotions man..lots of it.Well done

    Love
    Tee

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  43. hey congrst for getting into super 6 in the contest..!! i knew u wud get it...i wasn't surprised at all.

    ur story was better than some of the winners there


    congrats!!!!

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  44. amazing...i am a monomaniac, i can think in only one restricted direction, to me this was a delight. i hope u can get what i am trying to come at.

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  45. WOWWWW !!! Please teach me how to write like this ... :)

    Awaiting something new ...

    Cheers,
    adisha

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  46. very well written....
    Amazing Ending...

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  47. very well written....
    Amazing Ending...

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  48. nice one, but you could have developed the story more.

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  49. I liked the flow,nice story...

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  50. NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    Little do the poor villagers realise that it is the better city life that is consuming the planet, ridding it of it's resources, and spelling doom for everyone...

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  51. Wow... very nicely written. now i know what u mean by being crisp with writing stories.Thanks :)
    And no doubt it deserved an award.

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  52. A beautifully cripted post .Good balanace of emotion and hurt in the writing.

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  53. mesmerising would be the word.. the names of the characters were another attraction.. the picture of a village u have crafted further adds to my fears of a village!

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