Sunday, 1 June 2008

WHEN FACED WITH A DUMB QUESTION...


'A sentence worded or expressed so as to seek information or an answer' - That's how the Oxford Dictionary describes a QUESTION.

Everybody has questions. Everybody asks questions. Everybody needs to and ought to ask questions. How else would you get answers?

But have you ever faced a situation, where you feel you've had enough of questions, and that you can't take 'em anymore? Vague questions, mundane questions, moronic questions? Have they made you feel like pulling each strand of hair that rest on your scalp, or mebbe pull out the other guy's hair in case you're bald? [:p]

Yup, we come across a certain species of people who ask really stupid questions, questions that would put Indian TV journalists to shame. What do you do when faced with such a calamity?

Here's a list of things you could try...of course at your own risk:-

  1. As soon as his/her question pops out of his/her oral orifice, pretend you didn't hear what was said. Instead, pretend that you heard some kinda sound from elsewhere. Say,"Did you hear that?"

  2. Pause for a while, look skywards, scratch your chin and your temple for a few seconds, and then raise your arms in the air saying, "Pass, I give up. So what's the answer?"

  3. Pretend that you got a call on your cell on silent/vibration mode. Excuse yourself.

  4. Start an impromptu speech about Darwin's theory of evolution, proceed to the Big Bang Theory, and then to the Law Of Diminishing Returns. Pause and say, "Oh well, what was your question again?". If he/she doesn't get the hint and reverts to the same dumb question, repeat the cycle.

  5. Suddenly fall off your chair and violently thrust youself up and down, and sideways - in short, give an Oscar-Winning performance of an epilectic having his bout of fits. After 5 minutes or so, get up and tell him/her that silly questions trigger epilectic attacks in you. By the way, make sure you slap him/her hard or give a Rooney-esque kick in the Tundra region a couple of times, lest they begin to enjoy your little jig on the floor.

  6. This is known as the K-Serial reaction. Can be performed only when you're not looking straight into the dumbo's face when the question is hurled at you. As soon as the question falls on your tired ears, turn in his/her direction in slow motion "3 times", with big eyes and clenched teeth - yeah the same way they do it on K-serials. Watch any saas-bahu soap for inspiration, happens all the time. If you feel like slapping the moron, do that 3 times too.

  7. Pull out your diary and ask the moron to repeat the question. Jot it down, and promise to get back after the 3rd Vatican council.

  8. Ask the moron in a hushed tone to come to your room at midnight. When he/she comes at the fixed time, close the door shut, turn off the lights, use a chalk to draw an ouija board on the floor, light a few candles and ask him/her to concentrate. Start singing the Kolkata Night Riders' theme song to summon 'the spirits' (the KKR's theme sounds pretty much like a voodoo song :P). And then tell the fool to repeat the question.....if he/she hasn't run out yet. For better results, sing the DHAKKA BAKKA LUKKA (or whatever) song from the film YuVA.

  9. The easiest thing to do, and the last resort - Stroke the dumbass' hair lovingly, smile and gently hum "TAARE ZAMEEN PARRRRRRRRRR"

141 comments:

  1. hey that's quite informative and helpful to avoid irritating questions..awesome work..
    Happy Writing :)
    and thanks for commenting on my blog!

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  2. Hahaha!! Hilarious. Completely ROFLMAO material. Hehe!

    Awesome post. Cheers! :)

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  3. hey nice work buds
    like the tinge of sarcasm in ur humour. keep going!

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  4. @ shruti - hehe, yea! informative it is! [:p]
    ur welcome :)

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  5. @busy - gracias senorita [:d]

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  6. @nikki - thanx :) but do u have a blog? this aint ur blogger profile is it? wud like to visit all my readers' blogs once atleast :) thnx again

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  7. haha!!! Seriously some people come up with the weirdest questions.. Should try atleast one of them this week!! ;)

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  8. @rashi - i think u shud try the epilepsy one [:P]

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  9. You could try kissing them to make them shut up :D OF course to avoid the "kiss of death" they will keep their distance, and voila ! problem solved.

    Experience says the dumb ones are the pretty ones.

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  10. Yea nice....I never fail to insult such people :-|
    And thats my UNIVERSAL way of answering dumb questions :P

    Cheers!

    PS: Word verification SUCKS.....Please take care of that!!

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  11. well that quite funny and useful to get out of silly questions....u r a saviour ;)

    well ..... u hava a quite interesting blog....

    --anujjha

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  12. Wakakakakka lol lolol ol olol....hilarious stuff crissy....god this was fun reading and very informative indeed.

    How do u come up with such things ???!! :D

    Cheers
    Tee

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  13. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

    you are fantastic!!!

    a kiss for you, my dear friend!

    god bless u dear

    can we exchange our link

    r u ready to do?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yeah yeah sure!
    One can also
    1) try and be one from memento, with a short term memory loss.
    2) Shout, Ohh Shit, and then run towards the car.
    3) "yeah opposition ki chaal hai" types answer!

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  15. ROFLMAO....he he...hilarious!! That cartoon on "Google" set the right tone at the start...cheers!!

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  16. So much for so little!! :)
    You are funny!

    Thanks for coming by Calm Frenzies!
    I think you might enjoy Short and Sweet even more. Do stop by!

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  17. hahaha its so interesting and inspirational.

    1) repeating things three times is great. specially when its slapping :D

    2) discussing law of diminishing returns is a classical idea i think.

    but what i do is "jotting down questions and promise to answer as soon as i find them, that soon however never comes.

    this is great, but impractical when it comes to the questions you ask yourselves.
    i hate thinking because thinking begets questions and because i dont have answers to all of them.
    next time also add the tips to avoid questions you ask yourselves.

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  18. rofl!!!!!
    gosh.. chrissie.. that was hilllllllarious!!!
    every point!!!
    But i so like the song dhakka laga bukka... khayega kya mukka!!!!
    and taare zameen paaaaarrrr... lollzzz!!!
    Waise i dnt thnk that calling the ghost thng would work.. in case the ghost really manages to come... the person would haunt even him by his dumbass questions!!

    And for hell's sake... TUNDRA REGION!!!!

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  19. hilarious!!
    totally...

    just like ur rplies on GRAFITTI!!

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  20. Good one man!! Should keep the pointers in mind:D Kudos for the saas-bahu thing! Brilliant!!

    Thanks for the blogroll..I think I should be adding you right away:-)

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  21. @marj - i cud try kissing em? i might think of kissin da gals, but wat abt the guys, can i hire ur servies for tht? [:P]

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  22. @comfy - so rude man! :P
    word verification out!

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  23. @reasons - im a savior?? ull get us both killed for blasphemy man:P

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  24. @tina - i dream. therefore i am :d

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  25. @rohit - are u on a kissing spree? [:O]

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  26. @smokin - y 2 ids man? [:P]
    kewl ideas man :d

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  27. @sandeep - 2 comments? THANX!

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  28. @solitaire - thanx a lot maam:) i sure will

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  29. @alaena - of course theyre impractical! i said na, try at ur own risk:P

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  30. @pranay - lol. mebbe we shud hire the dumbos as ghostbusters then :P

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  31. @kriti - thanx buddy:) see u at the grafitti soon :d

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  32. @craziest - oh thats an idea i borrowed from a frnd. he actually does it at home evrytime his mom asks him for the remote, to watch her k serials :P

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  33. man... tht was really cool..esp... taare zameen par... waitin to try dis out on my ppl nw...lol...gud one!!

    ~Sanskriti

    http://sanz360.wordpress.com/

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  34. @sans - hehe. try the TARE ZAMEEN PAR Thing. Its harmless. :d

    or do the k serial one, its fun [:P]

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  35. rofl .. !!!!!!!
    awesome work !!!!!!!

    i have carried out point number three far too many times ..
    need to adopt a new one ... i think i will go for the taare zameen par ...
    lol ... !
    downright hilarious !

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  36. Ha ha ha!Those were some cool tips!Will keep them in mind when I come across such morons hereon :)

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  37. hehehehe..

    brilliant suggestions..
    must try sometime..

    i made an attempt at writing something other that poems
    do visit my blog.. will be glad

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  38. @bluebutterfly - hehe, go for it gal! [:P]

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  39. @sameera - hehe, sure. and lemme know if they all work [:d]

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  40. @ishqia - will chk ur blog :)

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  41. whoa! tht was AWESUMMM!! really, i luv such sarcastic get-lost-all-d-idiots-of-the-world type posts!!

    keep blogging,
    jan.

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  42. heheh... very nice! interesting read. :)

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  43. lol..tare zameeeeen parrrrrrrrrr

    that was quite interesting to read and i think more interesssssting to practice ;)

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  44. @ jyoti - hehe, i'd really be interested to know if uve practiced it :P

    btw mailed u an invite to join my blogger community :)

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  45. lolllllllzzzzzzzzzzzz
    oh god!
    lol
    how mean!!!
    :P

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  46. aloha :) nice work yaar!! finally ur funny side is workin..
    tc

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  47. tooo good really...u know what its very helpful for me.. as i am counsellor and i always end up wid people asking weird questions..
    very nice..

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  48. It's written in such a manner that you don't know whats going to hit you next. It's hilarious, to say the least! Liked every bit of it.

    Don't know how you came up with something like that..!

    Keep writing :)
    [Thanx for commenting on my blog :D]

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  49. Ha ha ha. Hilarious. Seriously thoda zyada ho gaya!! Keep up the gud work yaar. Shud try one sometime, let's see how it works!

    Cheers
    Tara

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  50. @pooja - yru callin me mean??
    r u dumb? [:P]

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  51. @nidhi - hehe, yea..and i wanna stay this way [:d]

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  52. @mixed feelings - aila. ur a counsellor and wanna avoid qstns? veryyy bad [:p]

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  53. @im alive - an idle mind is a joker's workshop [:d]

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  54. LOL..

    Im with you on the K serial reaction. Attaboy!! Though it should go with a warning. Not everyone can pull it off. You need to be a certified drama king/queen to get that one right..

    Funny stuff!!

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  55. @terminal rant - oh no, u dont have to be a pro in the balaji camp..i borrowed this idea from a frnd. he actually does it at home, wenever his mom or sis ask him to hand over the remote, to watch what else...k serials [:P]

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  56. Just encourage the questioner to discover his/her own answers.

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  57. nice job.....
    seein ur blog after a long time...


    do drop in!!!

    www.siddhumokkai.blogspot.com

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  58. Hi ,

    I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

    BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

    This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)

    Cheers,

    ReplyDelete
  59. hahahha...
    :)
    that was great......
    the way u xplained the whole procedure was really good....

    m a journalism student...!!!!!!!!!
    n i bet, noone wud take ur advise..:p
    how about coming for an interview..?????
    :p

    u'll be on the other side....

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  60. hey criss that was really nice

    that list was good and hilarious as well

    i liked that cellphone thing that u mentioned in it

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  61. hey criss went thru d list....i was flabergast to read d celfone stuff...coz i resort to it to help me out.....good to knw v thnk alike ...hehehehe

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  62. I just learnt this today PPKZZH!! The Indian version of lol, stands for 'pet pakad ke zor zor se hasna'

    Definitelt innovative and i am really tempted to try the epiliptic fit bit!!

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  63. @diva - man!!! u read all topics with a serious economist view dont u? :P

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  64. @siddhu - sure thing. thnx :)

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  65. @ray - hey, ill try tht sometime. thnx :)

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  66. @insider - hehe. if i went for the interview itd mean i wanted the job right? some dumb questions are better left answered :P

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  67. @stephan - hehe.thts very common yaar

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  68. @rashmi - hehe,its pretty common.
    btw dont u have a blog?

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  69. @beauty n beast - hahahaha. thts a good one. may i use it? :P

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  70. hahahahahahahaha... wht i feel is reliance shud ve put u on job for their "sawal" ad! well hilarious... simply too hilarious!

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  71. @mishtizaa - thank you madame :P

    reliance ad? howd this fit in thr? :O

    keep visiting :)

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  72. Wonderful,very thoughtful post.
    I liked all the ideas.
    Questions.
    well,
    "All of them are wrappers
    As they cover up the answers..."
    thanx for your post.
    take care.
    bye.

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  73. Oh. my. god! Apart from being absolutely hilarious, that was actually smart.

    Damnit, you're good dude!
    BOOYAH! :D

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  74. @man in painting - hey thnx. loved ur definition of qstns. ish i knew it before, id have used it here

    keep visiting

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  75. @a.v. - hey thanx a lot gal :)
    keep visiting
    booyah! [:P] is that a maori greeting? [:P] like it..BOOYAH TO U TOO :d

    ReplyDelete
  76. awesome post!!! was total fun!! :)

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  77. @anindita - hey thanx a lot :)
    welcome to my blog, keep visiting

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  78. hahahahahahaha....hilarious...I can really use this... I like no.1 and 5 the best....

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  79. @akshay - u can use this? u mean the techniques right? i dun like ppl using my articles as theirs on their blogs [:P]

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  80. Here is the most unnecessary of questions ever asked:

    Me (to shopkeeper outside sister's rented accomodation in Delhi): "Uncle 4 eggs dijiye please."

    Shopkeeper: "4 eggs beta? omlette bana rahe ho?"


    DEAR GAAAAWWDDDD!!!!!!

    Thank you for providing a vent to the frustration.

    ReplyDelete
  81. @shwet - u shudve told him that u have a pet hen who's a widow, and she wanted to adopt 4 kids [:P]

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  82. Hey come check out the results post! :)

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  83. Ha ha ... that was a great one :)

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  84. its a very funny read...me likes the voodoo song idea :D

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  85. @sameera - i thot u were supposed to comment on my post [:|]

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  86. @gal..namesakes - hehe thanx a lot
    u can use any song u want actually [:P] use the paaya paaya qawwaali(wonder if uve heard it before :P 0

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  87. Wickedly humorous post.:)

    I see a rohit here who has written exactly the same words on my blog on my post entitled Donation. I wonder if he's a robot.;)

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  88. @indicaspecies - hey thnx dear:)
    and oh, rohits not a robot, he's a serial kisser [:P]

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  89. helpful, and entertaining...

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  90. Brilliant..I'm still laughing 2 days after i read it!Trust me, half the kids on missionadmission've gotta be trained the dhakka-lakka-bukka way...btw, JLT's got a vacancy for writers..why don't u apply??U'r sooo JLT material!!
    Yeah the admission thing's weird, I mean i feel more local train than human. But doesnt matter, blogging about it makes it seem worth it..:).kam-marks???then you should definitely hear the marathi-manus-phonetic:AARRRRTS, SAAYUNS, COUMHURS...aani DEEPLOMA.huh.
    Yeah me the same one on education times.
    Thanks for dropping in again, I love having comments on the first day of a new blog-entry!!

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  91. Lol!!!
    Well I am dyslexic, so Maybe I can get away with the "Taaaare Zameeeen Parrrrr" thingy...

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  92. wow..!!!
    nice one... madly hilarious...!!!

    :)

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  93. hahahah...don tell me u came up wid all of dat...yr mad yea...well its nt jus journos u knw..(mind u im nt taking up fer my brethren..sm of them r really ill-informed abt their subjects)..most normal avrage-intelligent ppl too ask the most ridiculuous ques...i think the most irritatg ones come up at the wrong time..

    my fav was the ouija board wid the KKR'S theme song...lmao

    cheers

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  94. @ankit - entertaining? ty :)
    helpful?? u ok? [:o]

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  95. @hellbound - lol. i used to read JLT a LOT while i was in college. mebbe it rubbed off on me [:P] u serious abt jobs thr? i cant do a full time writing thing though..i can freelance mebbe. thnx for visiting :)

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  96. @devvy - lol. but atleast u dont ask silly qstns...or do u? [:P]

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  97. @crazyy - ok, i wont tell u that i came up wid tht..isnt it obvious? [:P] oh yea im a little mad, but isnt everybody a lil mad sometimes [:P] thnx :)

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  98. i just loved the blog! amazing!

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  99. @su-thinktank - thanx a lot :)

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  100. I have already commented on this post,you have forgotten!

    Well if you do not want to know the results of the contest you took part in,it is up to you.

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  101. haha....Nice tips there.....
    I would rather follow a simple one. Say - "Hey, wait, I'll be back in just 2 mins." and vanish.......

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  102. Thanks for your "comment" on my blog.


    :)

    Anyways You've an amazing blog !!

    Keep posting.

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  103. Hahahah

    Nice post bro ...
    lolz @ 3rd Vatican council ....

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  104. @sameera - arre baba.itna gussaa? [:P]

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  105. @arjun - arre thts wat all of us do. i was givin more innovative ideas [:P]

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  106. @where thoughts... - thnx :)

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  107. Hmmmm.....nyc suggestions for avoiding dumb questions.....
    would try some when have to face any such situation....hehehhe

    Keep writing!!

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  108. wow !! quite a good set of suggestions :)

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  109. Do note, when slapping the person 3 times, make sure its done from 3 different angles such that each of your facial reactions are captured! And in proper slow motion! before n after sequence! :D

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  110. @Eisha - sure. try em out and lemme know what happens after that [:P]

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  111. @ash D - hehe. Good feedback. :P

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  112. i knew it will be your post !! awesome as ever CRD !! by the way, if sm junior of mine asks a stupid question, i jsut stare hard and they knw the look well now ;)

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  113. hahaha!

    really good suggestions in there... stupid question, moronic answer/action!
    oh and, the K-serial reaction deserves a "kya" being repeated when tilting the head... ;)

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  114. The Vitruvian Boy26 April 2009 at 11:07

    lolz...
    yup the K serial reaction and tare zameen par way of escaping was the best of the lot....

    If someone asks me a dumb question, i say Aba-Da-Ba-Ja-BA :O..... :D

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  115. ha ha ha :P
    I should try these :P

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  116. Hehe... Taare Zameen Par was the perfect one!!

    Will surely try these! :P

    Superb!

    Cheers

    *PEACE*

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  117. @pretty - hehe. Well well..seems i have a reputation already :P

    oh yea, thts the bet way to avoid dumb questions..but the least funny. Better to avoid problems and have fun at the same time, no? :P

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  118. @mohit - o yeah dude..thts exactly what i meant :P

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  119. @vitruvian - hehe. but then its he whos supposed to be the dumb one...not u :P

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  120. @nan - oh yeah, sure. goahead try em out.

    disclaimer: try these at your own risk! :P

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  121. @aarthi - thank you jee! :d

    Try em out..albeit at your own risk :P

    Thanks for the comment :)

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  122. read it at ur blog sometime back, and loved it, didnt i ?

    hehe at bout of epileptic fit :P

    and brilliant :P tare zameen per!

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  123. hehe.. ive read this one many times but still find it amusing.....gud one

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  124. @sunflower - thank you again and again :P

    ReplyDelete

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