'A sentence worded or expressed so as to seek information or an answer' - That's how the Oxford Dictionary describes a QUESTION.
Everybody has questions. Everybody asks questions. Everybody needs to and ought to ask questions. How else would you get answers?
But have you ever faced a situation, where you feel you've had enough of questions, and that you can't take 'em anymore? Vague questions, mundane questions, moronic questions? Have they made you feel like pulling each strand of hair that rest on your scalp, or mebbe pull out the other guy's hair in case you're bald? [:p]
Yup, we come across a certain species of people who ask really stupid questions, questions that would put Indian TV journalists to shame. What do you do when faced with such a calamity?
Here's a list of things you could try...of course at your own risk:-
- As soon as his/her question pops out of his/her oral orifice, pretend you didn't hear what was said. Instead, pretend that you heard some kinda sound from elsewhere. Say,"Did you hear that?"
- Pause for a while, look skywards, scratch your chin and your temple for a few seconds, and then raise your arms in the air saying, "Pass, I give up. So what's the answer?"
- Pretend that you got a call on your cell on silent/vibration mode. Excuse yourself.
- Start an impromptu speech about Darwin's theory of evolution, proceed to the Big Bang Theory, and then to the Law Of Diminishing Returns. Pause and say, "Oh well, what was your question again?". If he/she doesn't get the hint and reverts to the same dumb question, repeat the cycle.
- Suddenly fall off your chair and violently thrust youself up and down, and sideways - in short, give an Oscar-Winning performance of an epilectic having his bout of fits. After 5 minutes or so, get up and tell him/her that silly questions trigger epilectic attacks in you. By the way, make sure you slap him/her hard or give a Rooney-esque kick in the Tundra region a couple of times, lest they begin to enjoy your little jig on the floor.
- This is known as the K-Serial reaction. Can be performed only when you're not looking straight into the dumbo's face when the question is hurled at you. As soon as the question falls on your tired ears, turn in his/her direction in slow motion "3 times", with big eyes and clenched teeth - yeah the same way they do it on K-serials. Watch any saas-bahu soap for inspiration, happens all the time. If you feel like slapping the moron, do that 3 times too.
- Pull out your diary and ask the moron to repeat the question. Jot it down, and promise to get back after the 3rd Vatican council.
- Ask the moron in a hushed tone to come to your room at midnight. When he/she comes at the fixed time, close the door shut, turn off the lights, use a chalk to draw an ouija board on the floor, light a few candles and ask him/her to concentrate. Start singing the Kolkata Night Riders' theme song to summon 'the spirits' (the KKR's theme sounds pretty much like a voodoo song :P). And then tell the fool to repeat the question.....if he/she hasn't run out yet. For better results, sing the DHAKKA BAKKA LUKKA (or whatever) song from the film YuVA.
- The easiest thing to do, and the last resort - Stroke the dumbass' hair lovingly, smile and gently hum "TAARE ZAMEEN PARRRRRRRRRR"